Flipping through song after song,
The search begins.
A search for a song that will satisfy my ears.
A song that fulfills my desires.
A song that brings my emotions into focus.
Any song.

The music stops.
I sit in silence,
A peaceful silence of blue,
Or yellow,
Or orange.
Nevertheless, silence.

I hear a ringing in my ears,
The silence brings me peace.
The silence makes me feel safe.
It wraps me in its warm embrace as I close my eyes.

The darkness also brings me peace.
It brings the world into focus
And causes my emotions to begin to stir.

The silence is now stabbing my eardrums
As memories begin to surface.
Memories I have pushed down,
Memories of loneliness,
Of loss.

The darkness behind my eyelids begins to take shape.
Shapeshifting to the monster in my closet,
To the one under my bed,
The boy in the mirror.

I lay still.
The boy in the mirror is crying,
Screaming for help,
He bangs on the glass and I shrink back,
I neglect him and his feelings.

I lay still. I try to open my eyes,
I can not.
I press play but the music does not pierce my internal silence.
I can not move.

I stand at the top of a building.
My feet are tingling,
My palms are sweating.
I begin to walk.

I look to the concrete,
It seems so welcoming,
It encourages me.
Approval.

The space between me and the concrete begins to turn a red hue.
My heart is pounding and the concrete calls my name.
I fall.

Not forward,
Backwards.
Back onto the building.

As my back comes into concrete with the roof I fall through it.
My eyes shoot open and I **** up.
The music is continuing to play.
I flip through song after song,
The search continues.

A search for a song that will satisfy my ears.
A song that fulfills my desires.
A song that brings my emotions into focus.
Not just any song.
A song that will keep away the silence and the darkness,
Until I learn how to myself.

Pearly white keys,
Hammers,
And strings.
All laced together in a mahogany symphony.
A piano.

Melodies dance through the air,
Spinning circles round my head,
Making me dizzy with joy.

A tiger dances across the keys and into my ears,
Putting memories of a zoo in my head.
Remembering walking down the tiger habitat.
Hand in hand with my father,
Tugging at his shirt.
He wore green that day.

Images of a butterfly landing on my finger prance through the space between me and her and land on the tip of my nose.
It is pure happiness.

They say a butterfly will land only on someone pure with bliss,
It lands on me as I look over at her.
Her fingers gliding so effortlessly across the smooth ivory,
This song is music to my ears.

Her hair falling so effortlessly on her shoulders.
She looks at me and smiles,
Her eyes crinkle at the corners as music flows from her fingertips.
She is her own symphony.
Her laugh the drums,
Her voice the flute,
And her singing a chorus of violins.
She is a symphony to make Beethoven blush.

I gape in awe at her beauty,
At the beauty of the music,
The music filling the space between us.
She looks happy.

Her hands dancing over the piano, A smile lights up her face.
Highlighting her grin
And her chocolate brown eyes.
The dark brown curls flowing down from the top of her head.

Our arms touch.
I can feel her symphony in my bones,
One of sadness.
One of hope.

I feel her happiness resonate through my arms and send chills down my spine.
The sound of her fingers running across the piano keys are drowned out by the pounding of my heart.
Bump bump.
Bump bump.
I can feel it in my throat,
And I lean in.

The music stops.
Our lips touch.
I can feel her beauty resonate through my body.

Pearly white ivory teeth,
Perfectly parted lips,
And breath.
Laced together in un pelle symphonie.