I left my cigarettes today
the same way you leave the departed
I put them in their tombs of desire
their pain had infected me enough
like an invisible netwok of mold
decomposing dreams
my own

my secret garden  
already planted
my name chosen
my path clear
in their hidden mind
I had to love them all:
and I will, always
with quiet ardor,
adoration, gratitude

my secret garden a jungle
of emptiness
denied tenderness
never spoken words of love
terrors and longings,
unrequited pain

for so long I've been
my father's mother
in my hidden soul
what has survived
of me
was poetry

no language
complex
no methaphors
no more tears
for this raw truth
the only mother
for me
was poetry
when
there was beauty
in the sky
so crushing

In the rear view mirror
he can see the specters..
  
her upside down reflection
scatter when a foot
hits the puddle…

hear the notes
of a trumpet solo
popping thru the
open red door
of a jazz club…

remembers when they
whacked his partner…

and left their
footprints on his ribs..  

left his mouth
out of joint…

wounded,
in love with that
woman in the blue dress
holding him in her arms…

asking her if there
is anything else
he should know..

because she is
a major part
of the mystery…

I hear the words "I've changed" a lot
but have you really given it a thought
Why do you say that, when it's not true
The only one who believes it, is you
Why keep coming up with these lies
when we all know you just come down from highs
You say you want to get away
but you do the same thing everyday
You have a boyfriend who beats on you
but you choose to stay with that low-life shrew
Why are you putting yourself through this
Why can't everything go back to what I miss
Do you even think about how I feel
All I want is for you to heal
I miss the person you used to be
A mother who was always full of glee
The mother who used to stay with me when I was sad
Now all you do is do everything that's bad
I cry tears in front of you, begging you to try
But yet, you'd rather go and get high
Why do I keep praying you will be the mother I once knew
even after everything you have put us through

I wonder what you see in your eyes
as everything inside you slowly dies
You push away the ones who care
and they won't always be there
You don't see how broken you truly are
The mother I once thought who was bright as a star
Every inch of you has changed in so many ways
You're no longer the mother who used to pray
Ever since I left you that day
your world began to turn grey
You stopped trying to find your way
so you began to fade day by day
You slowly began to fall apart
so much that you can't restart
You show me that you don't care
and that is what hurts me, I swear
You no longer have that warm smile
that used to stretch on for a mile
The mother I once thought who was kind
turned into someone who is completely blind
You hurt others around you, including me
but yet you refuse to let yourself see
I will never understand the things you do
I only know that you have broken my heart in two

I sit in my room crying at night
because you no longer care what's right
Me having faith in you, made me a fool
You putting me through that was cruel
I used to think that things would be fine
but this time you crossed the line
I no longer have faith in you
You went back to him but what's new
After everything he has put you through
you still go back to something that isn't good for you
I hope you're happy with the choice you picked
You made me see that you'll always be an addict
You have no idea how you make me feel
Half the time I don't even know how to deal
I don't know how to deal with this aching pain
I just wish it would all go down the drain

A yellow bird sits on my knee
It says "Hello, I am reincarnated mother"
She was dead picking the poisoned flower
From the shelf of her wayward children
We have no way of knowing right from wrong
We will go on living as rebellious bird daughters
Flitting from heart to heart
Seeking shelter in men's broken parts
Crying when we cannot start
Laughing when we finish money
Eating away our sadness
Motherless daughters without any stress
Trading our mother's feathers for a new dress