I absorbed the world
All the while feeling
It was rejecting me

Never Asian enough
Never white enough
Told that I was neither

I am both, more, and nothing at the same time
I simply am.

night and day— a unison
in serene dawn,
entwined in hope,
lust, fun.

then flecks and flashes of flesh
and light snare souls
with optimism
and choke with reality.

until night and day, crossed
at the harshest bit of twilight,
are dead.

i wanted to visit my ancestors,
so i stepped up to the gate.
i was told “You must be
/this/ dark to be let into this space,
see, there aren’t many people
here that we can match
up to your face,
and by the look of your skin
we couldn’t be certain
you’ve ever felt the sun’s grace,
we’ve seen many colours
but you are another,
do you really belong in this place?”

i wanted to visit my ancestors,
so i stepped up to the door.
i was told “You must be
/this/ light to walk up onto our shores,
see, we saw your curls and thought
Black Pete had come up
from the moors,
and you're familiar,
but that foreign tongue’s
taken several points off your score,
we were only one colour,
there's no room for any others,
so what are you coming to us for?”

i wanted to visit my ancestors
but i wasn’t sure where to go.
they’d shut me out, left me in doubt,
and i was in limbo.
i thought i’d had a birthright,
some kind of claim to make,
i didn’t think that i would be
so easy to forsake.
i hadn’t convinced the ghosts,
and there was nothing left for me,
so i packed my things, tore my branch down,
and went to sow my own tree.

I know I might be the one
I just wanna give you some fun
A chance to have it all
Before we part in fall

So let's give it a whirl
Make you a happy girl
So much I've never known
Never experienced this on my own

So, stop leading me on
If the chance I had is gone
You send such mixed vibes
Should I send silence or send bribes

We're bestfriends, of course, no doubt
But the level is what I wonder about
Are you asking for your hand
Or seeking a friend - high in demand

My desperation is great
I'm scared I'll ***** up our fate
Longing for more than what's meant
'Stead of the friendship on which we're bent

Still look at me the same
And smile when you say my name
I know when that smile hits your face
You're the reason my heart starts to race

In my head I've perfected
And the scenes I've directed
But in real life I struggle
Cause your heart I can't smuggle

So make up your mind now or tomorrow
End my self doubt, end my self sorrow
All I ask is you give me a chance
So come this time, in your heart so we can dance.

My quill set for the page,

Yet my mind’s eye is upstaged,

Betwixt them sits a wall,

But here no war shall be waged,



I search for beauty and pathos,

Yet my aperture gathers only stone,

If the barrier were to give itself kudos,

For having left my page all alone



But to think of the possibility,

That the wall itself but not a writer,

That the curvature of the laden brick,

Creates a paradox of the block.

Have you ever felt like a black hole is swallowing you
That you may never see the Sun
While the darkness engulfs you
Isolated
No one can hear your screams
Gloom and despair are all you know
Trapped inside this relentless body
With a heart that does not cease to ache
Drunk in unfathomable mixture of emotions
Sadness and confusion the most dominant.