Desensitized
Living without seeing
The truth that lies ahead
Encompassing your every moment
Without acknowledgement

Happiness
An emotion with no basis
What makes one happy?
Not money, nor rags
Nothing but a deception of the mind
What does happiness really mean?

Tears fill my eyes
Sadness overcomes, but why?
Nothing has changed

Termites, moths
Insects of the night
Begging to feel the light of day
Death

I get close
distance dance
Never quite warm or safe
Tightness
Almost
Is that me or him?
Us.

I absorbed the world
All the while feeling
It was rejecting me

Never Asian enough
Never white enough
Told that I was neither

I am both, more, and nothing at the same time
I simply am.

I can feel shades of love
but it’s constantly tainted
by the need to contort myself
To be more of this, less of that

It gets me in the the door
But me,
Standing alone naked,
Is never enough.

The graveyard of lost boys
Searching, forcing, finding
Loss and Obliteration
Only to forget

The love you gave me
Pure in its form.
Free from violence and control.
Many things I love about you
but perhaps most of all
unrelated to you
Was the permission you gave me to love myself

Pit in my stomach
Slowly melts away
Every time we say bye for now
I can feel myself again
Clouds retreat
Clarity sets in
Intuition lays waiting
In the pit of my stomach
Until I am ready