two concepts
dance around
in my mind
from time to time

the first one is
secure
small towns and
familiar faces
streets with grass
growing in the cracks
and parking lots with
the footprint of my
disintegrating shoe
pressed into fresh asphalt

streetlights that
come on to let
me know it’s time
to go home
a soft place
to call my own

the second one is
romantic
intriguing and scary
traffic and lights
and people and buildings
that fight to reach
into the clouds
an unfamiliar city
with corners and caveats
to explore for the first time

lights that never
burn out
restless crowds
to fade into
as soon as someone
learns your name

two very different thoughts
both equally
concerning in
two very different ways

complacency or
out of place?

i refuse to give
myself an answer
or maybe i’m afraid
to let myself wander

but a third question
knocks on my
skull and
lets itself in

and i can’t help
but wonder

what does
five in the morning
feel like when you
can’t see the sunrise
casting shadows
on empty fields?

does the world still
find a moment to
release its breath
before the day begins
when the city didn’t
even sleep the night before?

what if i don’t
belong here?

which outcome would
leave me least misplaced?

like a tumble ****
rolling down a city street—
i dont belong here

and i know it.

it feels like i am dreaming
even in waking life—
to long for feelings I’ve never felt
to miss a presence I’ve never met
to relive a memory I’ve never had
it feels strange to miss things
that have never happened
to wish to come back to a time
that has never occurred
to once again be the person
I never was
to revisit a place
I’ve never been

Indeed, it feels strange
to want all that
I’ve had only in my dreams.

I dislike the comma
Whips words while walking

Placed between two words
Whips the former and warns latter to behave and keep space

The comma is a pain
I love it
When words walk without whips
And breathe Free

the bits of apple
between my crooked bottom teeth
remind me of all the homes i’ve lived in
or almost lived in
that have left a sweet but spoiled taste in my mouth
as they rot just under my nose
i have yet to find a place to rest my head
not a clean pillow or warm chest would welcome my cheek
but i have looked and obsessed and tried
i have tried
my fingers ache from all the golden knobs i’ve reached out to
just to have them slammed in the door
again and again and again and againandagainandagain
the wide and narrow roads are lined with
quaint front porches and crooked mailboxes
they are bursting with life
sad ones and dramatic ones and unremarkable ones
gasping and pulsing and humming
but there is nothing suited for me
all the welcome mats have been flipped over
before i clear the front step
so i keep running my tongue over the bite of longing
in places i rather not be

Reliving and Preliving
may all my signals ghost to sway
Just falter information
i shall be spirited and a weather
A clamour among all my houses
an assault laid upon my understanding
Tired
in knots
combing out the fantastic
a floss upon a sea
and not a wound
; Misplaced I shall better be.

and then I breathe
this is no longer to be
I am in practice
; unfooled to better be

She wants to feel important
She wants someone to see her talents
And smile and laugh

To share a common bond
A similar interest
Cause right now
She mostly feels alone

And the silence
Doesn't fill her
Her soul rots away

If she can't get away
From her inner demons
She fears she'll soon fade

Her inner child wants
to feel joy again
To sparkle and such

To light up her eyes
Is all she'll ever want

They say that not all who wander are lost.
But wandering does come with a cost,
Because eventually, you become misplaced,
And then you get lost by your own mistake.

My mind was lost a long time ago,
I'm confused and worried nothing to show,
People pass by smiles on their faces.
They say your happiness is you so embrace it.

In society, it is defined as depression,
Scared and dreary, sadness is an obsession,
It makes you upset and confused for days,
It makes you contemplate what other people say.

I try not to live up to society's confirmatory.
I always try to make the most of my abnormality.
But what you don't know is I'm not what you see,
I only display the best version of me.