stand tall
brace
don’t let them see you ******* cry
it’s weak
just look in the mirror and love it
lie even
just change every ******* thing
pain is a gift you return
everyone is deserving of demise
do not pretend
live as new
anything but the raw affliction can show
put away all your sorrows
nobody gives a ****
now look everyone loves you
stand tall

i must welcome this new beginning / embrace it with gentle hands / my life is not over / it is starting / i know i should open my heart to let the light in / when i open my heart / i bleed, i bleed, i bleed / blood is a discomforting sight to one's eyes /  i refuse to allow anything to come in to see it / it hurts to spill this heartache /  my life is changing right now / i can feel the world pulling my body in different directions / where i go? which way is right way? / change can be frightening, unpredictable / so is my mind / there's a war zone roaring in my mind / despair vs. happiness: which one will win? / the one i give into the most / this is what longing feels like / do i hide or do i run? / i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared  / nothing makes sense and neither does this poem / this body is a messy thing / grief spilt my soul in two and i don't know where the other half is / i will find it somehow / the sun continues to rise in the sky without apologizing / light pours in different directions / i will do my best to always tilt my head / this is where the healing begins / but my god it hurts to be a human / it hurts to be a living creature / i'm a wild one, i know this / & i will try to be a good one / i won't let you down / i promise

sometimes i feel like a waste
a waste of space
a waste of time
a waste of breath
a waste of my own mind
a waste of any and all kinds
it feels hopeless to try
to reprogram
if it’s already so hard
to live without letting out further cries