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nia fox Jan 2015
she looks in the mirror
trails a finger down her skin
doesn't feel her bones
ashamed of the skin that she's in
she takes a bite of the bread
succumbing to the devil
but she pours the ipecac down her throat
Mia and Ana, rolling in their revel
crying into her pillow
because she's so fat
everyone else is prettier
she's not even worth looking at
stops eating for a month
not satisfied with her body
death's knocking on her door
but hey, she's no longer stocky!
boys have been staring her down
lust filling their eyes
it's sad to see that no one else sees
this detrimental disguise
the blood trickles down her forearm
who could be more proud?
but inside she's screaming for help
screaming for help, real loud
she never got a chance to say goodbye
what a bitter taste
but she got what she wanted
and all she wanted was a dainty waist
lachrymose Dec 2014
december is near.
blink your eyes,
december is here.
here come the platters piled high with
sins.
is this really "the most wonderful time of the year'?
god, it all
looks
so
good.
the whispers curl around my ears.
no. no.  fat. calories. crunches. jumping jacks. calories. fat. weight.
the holidays aren't about family.
this is war.
this is about self-control.
this is about my honor.
on goes the lip gloss, the too-big dresses
so nobody notices how fat i am.
"have you lost weight?"
stop making fun of me.
"aren't you going to eat?"
i'm nauseous. lies
i already ate. lies
i'm eating later. lies
don't touch me.
don't hug me.
don't speak to me.
surrounded by sins
calories
fat
bait for their traps.
*just one bite?
DAVID Dec 2014
en la hora de monet tus ojos me arrullan
mi cabeza despejada me da un sorbo de realidad
mientras tus ojos me acarician
en la hora de monet los ojos me duelen, pero veo mas claro que nunca
absorbo la luz, y los olores de las damas hermosas que se cruzan en mi camino, busco en sus ojos un rastro de los tuyos.
mientras el sueño me acorrala, otro dia de pesadillas y llamadas funestas
pero todo brilla aun en un cielo de monet, con tu hermosa mirada en el rabillo de mi ojo.
asi en la hora de monet, tus ojos brillan mas, y la soledad pesa menos quel corazon funesto de algun creep
en esta hora la cobardia del mundo pesa menos, todo es menos ******
tu actitud de pato feo contraste con tu belleza de cisne
en un cielo de monet, con la vista hermosa en mi cabeza, todo se aclara
la realidad ya no es funesta, en un dia claro la realidad me golpea
el pasado ya no pesa.
LA CALIDEZ PERDIDA EN LOS OJOS EQUIVOCADOS
ENTRE PERDIDA Y DESEO ME FUI DISOLVIENDO, COMO LA LUZ DEL ALBA FRENTE AL SOL DE LA TARDE QUE GANA FUERZA
EN UN CIELO OBSCURO, EL PASADO VOLVIO, ROMPIO EN DOS EL DESEO HERMOSO.

asi en un cielo de monet la realidad me golpea la cara, tus ofenzas y el desden borraron el deseo, que se deshizo como arena entre mis dedos.
EN UN CIELO OSCURO VOLVIO LA FARZA Y EL CAPRICHO, LO QUISIERON TODO, Y OTRA VEZ CON TRAMPAS BORRARON TODO RASTRO DE BELLEZA.
EN UN CIELO DE MONET EL DESEO SE VOLVIO UN PESAR, Y TU MUNDO FUNESTO SE VOLVIO A METER EN MI CAMINO.
PERO AHORA LA REALIDAD NO ME PESA, SE VUELVE HERMOSA.
EN UN CIELO DE MONET ENCONTRAR UNA MUJER HERMOSA DARLE PLACER Y DELEITES MIENTRAS EL MUNDO MIRA, Y LA CALLE RUGE, LA DROIT   MIRA Y LADRA POR ALGUIEN QUE PERDIO POR DEFENDER BASURA .
BAJO LA BOVEDA ESTRELLADA , TODO BRILLA AHORA EN LIBERTAD , CAMINANDO ENTRE LA GENTE COMO UN LEON QUE CAMINA ENTRE CORDEROS OBSERVANDO A LOS OJOS , ESPERANDO A MI LEONA O MI TIGREZA.
FAREWELL POEM, TRANLATIONS ARE PERSONA LIKE THIS POEM THAT TALKS ABOUT THE WORLD OF SOMEBODY ALWAYS GET IN MY WAY TRIYING TO ATTACK ME FOR DEFENDING SHHHIIIITTTTTTAND THE CREEP IN SOMEBODYS WORLD ARE ALWAYS TRING TO BE ME O GET IN MI BRAIN EJALOUSSI AND ENVY ARE THE ENEMY OF A GOOD AND SENSITIVE PERSON,THE PERSON ARE LA FONNY AND THE WIMP THE GAY WIMP Y EL CAPRICHO GAY
Makenzie Marie Dec 2014
Ana is in my brain again
and I'm sorry
to say I'm giving in.
Mia is whispering to me
so sweetly;
Fueling my dreams
to just be skinny.
And today I don't feel strong enough
to decide that I am enough.
Because I feel like too much.
     There's too much of me,
     And I am not enough,
      because I'm not skinny.
Mia is in my head again
allowing me to guiltily binge;
Reminding me
I can purge just as easily.
Urging me, "better hurry."
Run the water
hide the sound....
I feel pretty lost,
And this is what I've found
to cope
with the constant nagging
inside of me.
Ana is in my thoughts today
Reminding me how much I've gained.
And all I've lost- previously.
Encouraging me,
Dissapointedly,
To get down to 115.
I know that I am losing my mind
But maybe along with that,
I'll lose a few pounds.
Aesthete Flower Dec 2014
They scream louder this time
And there’s nothing you can do
You know you’re everything they ever wanted
And it’s just so clear to you
Pulling music from your iPod drowns their voices out
But you know it won’t stop them from fighting
Just from you hearing their sickening blowout
You think of the days they were so happy
And wonder if it was your fault
Maybe if you had just been beautiful
You’re mom might have tried to halt
Maybe if you got perfect grades
Your dad would have cared for you
Instead of only hurting you
You have tried so long for them to see
All you have ever wanted them to be
What every other family always had
But your cries and pleas have only left you hopeless broken and sad
So once again you open that same drawer you sadly know too well
And grab that magical blade that’ll solve everything for now
You lift up your shirt and put your only true friend against your fair skin
Just one cut
You close your eyes shut
One tear slips down your vulnerable face
Just one tear you let escape
And you see those flashbacks once again
Of the times everyone made sure you knew,
No one will ever want you
So you let that blade break through your skin
And hope to god he’ll forgive your sin
And everything will be okay
At least for one more day.
WickedHope Nov 2014
Am I thin?
Please tell me if I am.
Am I skinny?
I'm trying to get there.
I'm dying  *for your approval.
110 pounds...
100...
90...
How far can I get before I faint?
Before I'm enough --
Not* enough?
I hate this holiday.
Sam Knaus Nov 2014
Ana
Ana,
I used to play with you when I was younger.
I remember you were so proud
the first time I weighed 125,
I guess those stomach problems came in handy
for keeping you by my side,
I'd go days without eating,
and you'd smile.
I never let you influence me too much, though...
Not until now.
I've always had you on my mind.
You are inherently deadly,
you are addictive in your toxicity.

I'm not hungry.

I can't help but wonder when Mia
will get me on my knees again.

I'm not hungry.

I'm one of those people who
******* about romanticising mental illness
and eating disorders, yet here I am,
giving a name to you.

I'm not hungry.

All the poems about how my razor
takes my blood and breath but gives me life,
but I've written none about you for a while.
Blood drips from my arms and thighs
and, pinching the soft, scarred skin,
I think of you.

I'm not hungry.

You are a decidedly perfect example
of deadly willpower.
You are one of my several methods
of self-destruction
and yet another thing for me to fall in love with,
I am an addict itching for a bit
of self-hatred, and you are an easy fix.

I'm not hungry.

Maybe if I was just a little bit thinner,
then maybe I'd get there.

*I'm not hungry...
Feat. "Just A Little Bit" -Maria Mena. "...just a little bit thinner, and maybe I'd get there."
Feat. "Skin & Bones" -Marianas Trench. "I'm always on my knees for you."
always anxious Oct 2014
anorexia you inside of me
hysteria is all you'll ever be.
you're a struggle
and you caused me a lot of trouble
yes you made me skinny
all with that stupid theory
but i'm gonna win in the end
even though you are my only friend

i will not die today
just have to get back what i threw away
i called you my master for way too long
but i just realized where i belong
i have my friends here
and they take away my fear

i might have been close to death
but only beacuse of your stupid threat
"you're gonna get fat"
and then we had the calorie chat
but i'm forcing you to leave
so i can freedom achieve
always anxious Oct 2014
I've been thinking for a while
I'm stuck in this stupid riot
I no longer know where i belong
Starving for a week gaining it back
Eating for a week and getting dangerously thin...
I'm ****** up
I ****** up
I'm ******
I ******
****...
I can barely fven talk seems like i'm stuck
AmberLynne Oct 2014
I wish I knew just how to confess
the sickness happening in my head,
but I have no clue how to start
because I honestly have no idea
how this whole mess began.

Each bite I take is precious,
a tasty present I allow myself
only once I've reached a state
of pure unavoidable hunger.
And each bite is torture,
for I know each one will come back
to haunt me, taunt me.

I walk into the bathroom,
look down at the toilet,
brush my hair off to the side,
and begin my clandestine routine.
I despise myself for this practice,
but it is nothing compared to
the repugnance I feel when
looking at myself in a mirror.
The few minutes of disgust
are worthless in relation to
the elation I feel when I see
those calories expelled from my body,
unable to be absorbed into my system,
added onto me as even more fat.

It's an up and down mind battle.
I hate myself for each action I take,
but am unable to help it. I try not to
eat, but sometimes I just get so
**** hungry I cave to my cravings,
regretting each torturous morsel
as it passes between my lips.
A trip to the bathroom, then,
and it'll all be better soon I guess.
But I'm hungry again much too soon
and the terrible circle begins anew.

I don't know how to ask for help,
am far too ashamed to admit
these disgustingly illicit deeds.
And for now I get to see
the numbers on the scale decrease.
Getting help would halt
the progress I've worked so hard for.
10.22.14
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