I'm emotionally sectioned, yet I still perceive all your calls and beckons. Why? Why do I feel the need to please you, with every action that I do, and how does this doubt I have still seep through?
Pain... Pain is the periodical assault into my neuroqurtex, in other words I'm trapped into this vortex that is you. But that's my fault, for this, this is a self inflicted issue.
I broke down when I wrote down my feelings on parchment and paper surrounded by haters that laugh when I cry, and I'm emotionally bound so when my tears start flowing and they start gawking, I wish they would all just die. But looking back at my previous issues and problems I realized I'm stronger because I have solved them. Strong enough to write this for you, explain my feelings I have twords you, yet this is all my fault, I should have for warned you.
You pieced me together. Made me realize that no matter the weather I'm stronger that ever. Hell, with your pretty smile and eyes and a few thought out actions made me realize that my thought processes should be compromised.
Love... Love is the longing of volatile emotions. Love makes my heart warped like a cataclysmic contortion, yet without your love  my life is no better than an abortion! Like I said before, I feel the need to please you, but if you don't have these feelings that I do, like a golem I'll be standing, waiting silently.
But you've enchanted me. Now I have to revert to fantasy, live life like it will never be a reality. So I sit down and write out using verbs and pronoun's to describe how I feel now. These words... They may never reach you, but to be honest, I could never muster up the weakness to mistreat you. Compassion is my guiding action, no selfish thoughts or evil plans hatching. But I must be respectful and I pray these actions I take never make you resentful. That's the truth... and if the truth hurts then the truth works, and since I'm stuck here astonished how could I not be brutally honest.
When its all said and done if its too much just tell me, because its your cross hairs that took aim and fell me, because its your captivating glance that withheld me, and I get it I'm a tad bit subsonic, but when it comes to my emotions I know that I'm on it. That's my piece, no yelling or screaming, like a golem I'll be standing, waiting silently.

It's like the only time I can see out of this hole
Is when I'm trying to make sure others don't see
That I'm digging it deeper

And
Deeper
And
Deeper

And falling
Further
And
Further
And
Further

Until I can't get out of this deadly hole

Sometimes I wish
That I had a Sign

Like a constant notepad
For people to read

Maybe then they would try to
Listen a little closer

But I wear the silent bells now
Calling with my empty voice

The room gets bigger
But I feel suffocated

Fidgeting with no fingers
Bleeding nails of yesterday

Or mere seconds ago
I spin walk around in an oval shape with edges

Sometimes I wish for an open wound
Needing care

People bring bandage to a funeral
And flowers to a wedding

Pictures of the beautiful ******
Ignoring the anxiety cloud of a Girl

I get through the sorl of breaths and coffe
The sounds of the red light klonking loudly

Breaking through my headphones

Sometimes I really wished they could see
See my constant struggle to survive in this neurotypical World

Delicate flower in the rain.
Don’t hang your head down
The rain is to gain
Essential for growth
and strength for your roots
As the sun will come
you’ll be flourishing too

Delicate flower in the sun
hold your head up before
light is gone.
Flourish  and bloom all day long,
showcase  your colors till sunset will dawn.

Delicate flower don’t you weep
Hang down your head
it’s time to sleep
When a new day begins
and sunrise  sets in
You’ll be blooming once more
And we’ll be happy again!

Shell ✨🐚

Mummified me tight in her web,
she finds it funny
that my eyes are left open.

I shake
but I cannot listen
and I cannot scream
and she stares until
my heart is broken.

she whispers and I read her lips:
"I am fate,
and you were held firm in my clutches
ever since man has fallen.

"Lay, watch, and twitch
and remember my dear,
every breath you take is testimony
that you were chosen."

It comes with big fireworks of happiness
Like an extra life that revives you at the final battle,
Like a compliment that makes believe in yourself,
Like an advent of a person with radiating hope.


Euphoria - what it's called - catches your moments,
Paints everything with eternal-like vivid hues,
Triumphs your whole past in a meaningful-like song,
Brings you a goal that has never existed.


Then, it just stops the time around you,
Lets you see the grey cloud of the present,
Hear the empty vacuum of the past,
Get dizzied by the blur of the future.


It holes your soul with the deepest pit
That eats up all the hopes remained or desired,
All the energy left leaving only fatigue,
All the senses that might make the soul living.


The Mark of Death spreads its curse all over the body,
Including the soul that just sits, lays inside,
Letting the whole world behind half-living,
Accepting death already by my side.

For the one who has no rest from tempest to tempest,
What does the word mean: summer?
What does the word mean: winter or weather?
Would he believe ever that there's a good weather?
Would he believe in warmness and sunshine or any similar form,
Or rather, would he see them as the lull before the storm?
Wouldn't he see the sun as hiding new tortures?
Wouldn't he hide under a tempest's cloak as turtles?
Saying: Oh Sweet Home, I know you and you know me,
Oh Sweet Roar, Thunder and Rain; follow me.