In Death
there are only
Machines.

Machines
made to guide the man
to a heaven
that never existed.

the earth shifts
feet cling to ceiling
knives dance in my chest
up is down
but down is not up
silver drips off of my fingers
a sheen falling up
or was it down?

a deer is on the ceiling
or is she on the floor?
she whispers
"you cannot be what you wish to be
if you do not first wish"
the earth shifts
her coat gleams
her eyes shatter and repair
the earth collapses

she is gone

i put my fingers to my lips
all i taste is metal

I bought some Dr. Martens
a leather jacket to go with
T-shirts, logo'd
Nirvana, *** Pistols, Incubus

but what I wanted to buy
was the swagger
the intense feeling
of not giving a ****
I'm going to live forever
and there's nothing you can do
about it
invincible
with attitude
spitting in the street

I used to watch The ******
Motorhead
Conflict

I was there as the Police
went in ******* horseback

but the only attitude I found
was the young kid serving
looking me up and down

thinking

midlife crisis
you fat, balding
grey haired old ***.

Dark,bleak days are coming, darker yet ahead,
Would say I am sorry, but won't 'cause I'll be dead.

Sour land below us and angry sky above,
And those who seek to control us, have morons sell us love.

We've severed the connections, not our fault we didn't mean,
We're under the protection of almighty mobile screen.

I'd rather I was mental, I'd rather that  I was gone,
In the world that ***** on metal, I cannot be or belong.

I know the tastes wildly differ, and can tear people apart,
But I'll never ever consider, to consume that which you call art.

you don't look sick
you don't look like your entire world has been
falling apart for years
and you're only holding on by a thread.
you don't look like you cry yourself to
sleep every Sunday at 4 pm
when no one else is home.
you don't look like you've been
ignored by your friends and family
because they can't deal with someone
else's feelings and problems right now.
you don't look like you've
been in bed for four days straight,
haven't showered or brushed your teeth because
what would be the point when you have
no inclination to even leave your house.
you don't look sick.
that's the sickest thing you can say.
because i don't have a physical handicap
that society has associated with all sick people.
because you don't see the days when i just stare
at a blank wall because there is nothing
nothing and no one that interests me.

and don't get me wrong.
i love you all.
i just have no support from you
because you don't see my illness and
you can't be bothered.
it's fine.
so i hide it further
until i can't anymore
and i find help and support
because i don't want to do it alone