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Caitlyn Emilie Dec 2020
You didn’t give a **** about me, but you really had me thinking you gave a **** about me.

Dug yourself into my guts and made yourself at home.

When I was crying all you did was leave me alone, wouldn’t even answer when I’d text your phone.

I slammed your car door and walked up the block and you still didn’t give a ****.

I sat on the ground, on the cold cement with my face in my hands after you told me all the lies you hid.

I said goodbye to you for the last time, walked around the neighborhood yelling aloud to nobody and nothing.

Got home an hour later and abused the skin of my leg with whatever I could find.

Blood dripping from my skin and you still didn’t give a ****.

You never gave a ****.
my ex ******
stephanie Dec 2020
i am spinning in a sea of my thoughts,
reaching for someone to
help me,
save me,
but no one does,
and i drown.
Eola Nov 2020
There was a village
Called Ludnica in maps
Quite old and vintage
The population reached 100 at max

It was known far and wide
For it's weird rules
Everyone had to abide
And dress like white ghouls

Half of them were blacksmiths
Working day and night
Others had to submit
And were to be polite

Every once in a while
Another black sheep would appear
Some even hostile
Not understanding why they were there

Then the blacksmiths' work would restart
They chipped away the metal chains
Reshaped the mind part by part
Untill the sickness didn't remain

"Where was this Ludnica?"
You might ask
But don't search for it
Because it will find you at last
This might be easy to guess
But I still wonder if this text makes sense
M E Ronan Dec 2020
In silence, in solitude
A line of people surround me
Perpetually faces protruding
Screams of turmoil falling on me
Like a pour of concrete
Permanently motions denied
Salvation lost in stillness
My existence feeding from it
Energy exuding from the hatred
Silence is lost on me
Too many talking
Cheap cynical laughter
No respite, no comfort
Lost my own voice within
mark soltero Dec 2020
intrusive thoughts help me sell my soul
i want the love of all
can prayers to the unholy one
who resides in my head
help me achieve my desire
for opulence and adoration
or will it feast on my insecurity
until i have nothing left to offer
T R H Dec 2020
It's getting bad again
Snuck up unexpectedly
Simple tasks leave me drained
Won't sing to my favorite songs
And the things that used to excite me
Just leave me feeling numb.
Laundry piling up
Dishes in the sink
Don't want to move
Too tired to think.
I have to try to push it down
Been doing too well to backslide
But I can't even mutter the words
Or fake a smile to hide behind
Doing the bare minimum
To keep myself alive
To satisfy my friends and family
But what if one of these days
That's not a good enough reason for me
Ameliorate Dec 2020
Cigarette smoke tickles my lungs as I inhale the closest thing I ever got from you.
I don’t smoke but you did most of your life.
Truthfully, I smoked often after your death;
Feeling though if this was a way to feel your presence.  
Though it only irritates my lungs.
One night I drank 3 bottles of wine;
I don’t drink.
I burnt a hole in my couch singing “before you go”; hadn’t lit up anything other than marijuana since then.
Smoking wouldn’t bring my father back.
Wouldn’t repair the trauma he caused during my youth.  
31 years old doesn’t prepare you for the death of your father.
The three months you gained weight
Didn’t leave your bed
Pushed many of your friends away because rejection sensitivity.
And cried so hard you nearly threw up
3 months of worsening binge eating where you felt so full you couldn’t breathe
Severe depression
And oddly enough suicide ideation.
Misplaced guilt from abuse that wasn’t your fault.
Sweat soaked sheets from chaotically descriptive  nightmares
Unrelenting dissociation.
Even longer tangling with delicious self hatred, words your father used when he would belittle your body while you developed an eating disorder at his hand.
My thighs are getting bigger
-insert self loathing here-
I won’t repeat those abusive words;
As I’m trying to heal.
5 nights shy of 1 year.
I can say I finally like myself.
The other side of shutdown reared it’s caressing warmth;
The chrysalis of self discovery erupting like a volcanic convocation.
Complex post traumatic stress disorder.
I wear this diagnosis like a badge, proof of my experiences.
I miss you.
Though I am not unhappy you’re gone.
Descriptive piece on my fathers suicide. Tw: death. Eating disorder. Suicide.
Valarola Nikola Dec 2020
I’m way too close to turning Thirty-Three,
It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m seething,
I’m surrounded by friends constantly in turmoil,
But **** it if they won’t tell you they’re loyal,
Just once I’d like someone to respect my boundaries,
And not end the day on some B.S. moral quandary,
Debating if I should put someone’s needs before mine,
Because it’s driving me over the edge in my mind,

Everybody will scream “WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME?”
While you’re right next to them clearly drowning,
What has this world come to, when no one cares what harm their extra baggage will do,
As long as they’re getting the attention they seek, who cares about me or you?

I don’t want to get older, I haven’t done enough,
Haven’t settled down,  and found my one true love,
Unless you count ******* everything up,
But ah, ***** it some of it’s been kind of fun,
Not going to lie, I’d take back a few of the things I’ve done,
But I’d never take back who I’ve grown up to become,
I’ll end this by bragging that my Mom says I’m quite wonderful,
And as she found out far too late I’m also quite nonrefundable,

Everybody will scream “WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME?”
While you’re right next to them clearly drowning,
What has this world come to, when no one cares what harm their extra baggage will do,
As long as they’re getting the attention they seek, who cares about me or you?
It's like on my worst day, when I just want to focus on me, someone is like no, don't do that PLEASE FOCUS ON ALL THIS.
Bleurose Dec 2020
I need to stop wishing
We had that bond (again)
You are not capable of depth

You're ill

You will never  (just) be free of your rotten soul
You need to clean it
And it will take time

But perhaps we are just, different
This would be a shame
For I miss your sweet sweet voice
And
Laughter
I miss indulging you

Your sage advice

I knew I'd lose you just like
I've lost so many
But it never gets easier
Delyla Nunez Dec 2020
Oh you’re back.
How was the trip?
Wait you need to do what?
You can’t right now though..
Really?.. that bad.
Well then.. okay. Guess it’s your turn.

Hi nice to meet you, we’ll get to names later.
She almost did it.
God you should’ve seen it.
But that’s done and over with.
No more you after all.
I’ve held her ground. I picked up the pieces. I saw her sink.
But I’ve seen her pick herself up. I watched her clean her mess. I saw her rise.
She thinks she needs someone and she truly doesn’t.
That’s why she has me.
Oh and I’m not good with names.. see ya.
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