As wine gets better with age,
I hope time makes me better.
Growing older happens to all,
However growing up is not the easiest task.
Birthdays don't mark growing up,they mark growing older.
I hope to take age as a stepping stone,to more integrity and maturity.

I was once shy
I always asked myself why?
"Be different" I whispered to my nine year old self
I recalled that at the time I hated myself

And so I bloomed into this wildflower
I became spontaneous, daring, unique, strange, intelligent yet naive
And so the problems started

You see I wanted to be different
But I didn't know the cost
I didn't know the cost until I became seventeen
You might think it was just the phase of a teen

But NO
As I layed in the ground watching everything pass by I died on the inside
I became consumed to the point of hide

"Be different" "Be accepted" "Be skinny" whispered the nine year old
I tried and I'm sorry for wanting that mold
"I'm sorry" I whisper to my seventeen year old self because the agony was not worth it

I thought drugs and alcohol was lit
I thought boys and women were ****
I thought comments were superficial
I thought social media made me official

Dear nine year old,
bullying made you weary
Tears made you strong
Thoughts killed you
And comments surrounded you but that is gone
That is past
Who are we to judge others?
GOD?
Who are we to comment?
GOD?
Who are we to feel?
Us.

Bad or good
     Useful or harmful
         Beautiful or not
           Venomous or lovely
             Real gentlemen
                 don't hide their feelings

I found you when my knees hit the bare tile floors.
You only truly find God with sins professed.
Hands stretched high, falling to the ground in remorse,
Choking on breath, heart crawling out of my chest,
digest my sins and pray on those paper planes.
Send love with my tears and hope for better days
when my heart doesn’t beat poison through my veins.
Tell me your name to love you, let me count the ways
You were baby teeth; things I thought I needed
on nights spent carving caverns from compliments.
You pray with hands clasped and sins to be pleaded,
until God takes the doubt from your confidence.
As your flesh meets the barrel of the pistol;
Hands high, knees to floor, surrender all, take none.