https://soundcloud.com/theaidanazhar/sets/aidan-a-prefinals

I'm sorry, for this isn't a poem
I apologise for the lack of beauty
My words, the justice I owe them
Is now replaced simply
Musically
I set my soul free
I'd love to share the voice
I found
In letting myself
Become me

I can't sit anymore
wet eyes eventually

I really have to stop
My heart grows and grows

I'm sure this will lead somewhere
Like an open highway... skyway

A hidden garden
A secret knowing place

I couldn't possibly
Find the answer here

Or could I?

You give me goosebumps,
Before we've even touched,
I'm moist from you,
Weak and losing my breath,
Yearning for you,
Keeping you close,
The smell of you alone makes my toes curl,
And when you straddle me,
Tresses flowing over your beautiful *******,
If only you knew what you do to me,
When you lean in, delicately placing your lips on mine,
Letting our tongues find each other...
I wish this could last forever,
You're the only one I love to please and be pleased by,
& when you lay your body on me,
I can feel your diamond against mine,
The way we move in unison,
The moans,
The scratching,
The bites,
I...love...making love to you,
And when you smear your fingers in my wetness,
And dip them slowly in my clenched grip...
The whispers in my ear,
Pleading for me to always remain,
Speeding up with every sound,
Drowning in the moans,
I'm lost with you,
I'll...Always....be...yours...baby....
My Beautiful desires are fulfilled with you,
Don't take that away..

those who like to clean and scrub,
are you really cleaning?
are you really scrubbing?

Did you find something worth scrubbing?
Was it a love letter, a ******, an incriminating photo, was it drugs? was it nothing to you but the world to someone else?
Did you clean the love letter by shredding it or throwing it in the trash? Did you save the ****** in a plastic bag?
Wonders of what you did with the photo
And the drugs, well we all know what that you smoked-- i mean cleaned

When you were finished, did you tell the person what you did? Or let them come home to a place where everything was rearranged and scrubbed.

Did you notice when they ignored you and didn't thank you for your cleaning services?

I wonder often what satisfies a scrubber. Is it the control you get from knowing all you can know about a person? Is it the feeling you get when you've finished scrubbing all the dirt off?
I wonder often what satisfies a cleaner. Is it the notion that you're bettering someones life when you've just erased the whole of them? Is it the thought that when you put them in new clothes, they shine.

Do you think you are making them the image of what you've scrubbed?

those who clean and scrub,
are you really cleaning and are you really scrubbing?
I think that you are.

i tell people everything i can’t say to myself // like that things get better // and i tell them to keep going, because in the end, everything’ll be fine // but i wanna give up every morning i wake up // since the storms rage on in my head // it makes me feel so weak // i don’t feel alive