A multitude of firsts.
Some he takes,
others I give freely.

lately i have been feeling dread
it's like a hammer crushing my head
perhaps, i''m better off dead
my, my, when was the last time i felt glad?

perhaps i am ill, physically or mentally
or maybe i simply want to be freed
from the pressures of being 24
from the weariness of the future, unsure

maybe it's the drinking that's killing me
maybe it's the loneliness
the abject failure to comprehend
her beauty in that sundress

all those years ago,
or the advice my dad gave me
before i graduated college

life seems so absurd now
my friends feel so distant
and love makes me feel sorrow

time, hell of a thing.

He is my lucky charm, my daily dose of joy
His hair is a blend of shadow and light
dark as a starless night,
medium roasted coffee beans
when kissed by the sun.
His almond-shaped, chocolate eyes
and pink lips kissing me softly
like whispers of dawn
calling me to his side.

Each  morning, he greets me with "Hello my love"
a sweet reminder of the reasons I'm alive
His smile is a sunbeam
piercing through the storm clouds
looks of love warming my heart
like a hug after a long day.

His graceful presence
takes me away to a celestial realm
Where the world fades away
A twilight breeze sedating my soul
He is the colors of my sunset,
the hot coffee to my cold days
My flesh and bones yearn for his touch,
forever longing for his embrace.

You taught me a love like I had as I became one with the universe.
You taught me like as if I were the sky. Rays between, above as below.
I meet with the stars, as the sun settles and the moon blooms
Oh sweet prairie, let me lay down
In sweet scents and tickles on my face
Sweet love like a release of air
To be your breath
Our breath
The breath in between.
I long
For you.

In the garden, we drank cherry wine—  
it was summer, but already the world was burning
You said love could outlast history,  
could outlast the soil we buried our dead in
But even then, your hand trembled in mine,  
as if holding on was a kind of politics  

You, my lover, spoke of revolution  
like it was a season that would never end
And yet, beneath the vines, beneath the sun,  
I could see the rot setting in—  
even sweetness grows bitter in time,  
even love turns sour with too much hope

What remains is the taste of fruit on my tongue,  
as the world smolders, as you fade  
into the distance of what we cannot save

we love each other with all our hearts
and who could ask for more?
but when you listed your favorite girls
i was only number four

i'm not mad at you for loving your aunt
and i encourage you to love your mother
but you also put your favorite music artist
before your own lover

and i know i'm overreacting
and fourth isn't even the worst
but it still pains my heart
because on my list, you were first.

The last time I saw you, I smiled, and feigned  
Simple friendship with my lips.  
I walked beside you down a narrow forest trail,  
Tall grass playing at my fingertips, until we emerged  
At a stream, where we sat and talked.  
While my heart beat your rhythm in my ears  
So loudly that I never stopped to wonder,  
If my rhythm was beating in yours.  

I don’t remember most of what was said.  
I can see your eyes, sparkling,  
Darting between mine and the water,  
Your half smile, playing at the corner of your mouth.  
I can see your lips moving, soft and full  
As they wrap themselves around syllables,  
But I can’t make out the words  
Just the thumping in my ears.  

When I leave, for the last time, we hug.  
I feel your soft warmth against me  
And wonder if you can feel yourself  
Thundering behind my ribs.  
I hold on, only a second too long,  
Despite the aching in my blood not to let go,  
Not to unwrap myself from you.  
Because part of me knew, this would be the last time.

Why did I come at all,  
When both of us knew that the stars were already  
Spinning us out of orbit.  
To prove to myself that you were just a friend,  
Or lie to myself that you weren't a lover.

I should have never come,  
Or never left -  
But all we say
is goodbye.

Sometimes the sun feels just like a lover
Warm kisses on shoulders and checks
Playing with shadow on skin, warm and cold
So cold, disappearing under a cloud

   --- Magi