you held me tight before i boarded the plane.
we stayed in each others arms till the very last minute.
not a single word escaped our lips,
but your eyes told me you didn't love me the same anymore.
my eyes pleaded you to not give up on us,
not to let it all go,
but your eyes didn't change.
and i knew this goodbye,
was our final goodbye.
and as i boarded the plane,
it marked the beginning of us becoming strangers,
as we went our separate ways

I'll stop running from myself
When I stop ending up running into myself
When dream was the only escape, now that it's become a trap,
What do I rely on?

I don't want to find myself everywhere I go
Please tell it to follow me not
with its mind filled with vicious thoughts

Thoughts that crumble me
Purple flashes of anger
It's just the sky rumbling


Will you ever come,
pick up the scattered pieces?
And squeeze it all back into the places,

With the embrace I yearn for?




You, the mystery I loved.

You, the treasure I lost.

Wasn't I quiet enough for you?

Did I keep your secret tucked far enough under the sheets, Where even now, You can't admit I have laid.

Because if you did, You'd have to admit the never leaving, Because it never left. Longing always lingers in the silence between.

You've hidden me in the folds of the blanket. Always searching through memories, Just for a moment of what once was.

I can't return your calls. My absence now echos through us both. The indent of my body growing stale, Like fading perfume on the pillow.

I know it in the way you once kissed me. Yet now, You only whisper my name to the bed sheets.

I thought
With all  
The things  
I kept
Forcing into
My body-
Men and drink,
Smoke and pills,
Powder and laughter,
That there
Would remain
No space
For you
To infiltrate  
All my
Muscles and molecules,
Crevices and atoms,
Or the
Mind and heart
But, just
Like these
Reaching words,
Your touch
Never ends;
By twos  
Or by threes
I'll shed
Salty tears
And swim
Harsh seas
Until my
Shoddy body
Heals and
My weakened  
Muscles build.

I'm a ***** for hopeful words
And a ***** to anything true,
This is why I stayed and slept
With you-
The loneliness of your skin
Bumping against  
The desperation of myself,
bold( 3am, eight months later )
Still feels like perfection
In bleached briefs.

It starts at the bottom
Of my belly,
Right above your
Favorite spot,
Then it pings
And pongs
From elbows to knees,
From toes to shins,
From heart to biceps,
And from head to fingers,
Taking it's final bow
On the parts of my back
You sculpted-
This is how I miss you,
In every bend, crack, snap, and creek
In every bone, vein, muscle, and tendon.