Even if it won't help anybody but me
It has to be worth it anyway.
Writing down how I feel within me,
How my mind is leading me astray.

I once thought that I found the way
That I knew where I'm going and why.
I thought, I understand and can say
What is wrong and what is right.

Turns out I again was wrong
Things are different, more complex.
After all I feel broken, alone,
And it has become hard to relax.

I am wondering when it is time
For myself to just fall and let go,
To be able to let my thoughts be
And to breath, deeply breath, on my own.

Instead I am feeling estranged
From this world and my thoughts
Alienated.
I am trying to grasp what it means
And I don't understand,
Feeling frustrated.

This is where this poem leads us
Needless to say into the unknown
And repeatedly one may have asked,
Is there really nowhere she can go?

T-rust lost.
I-ronically hopeful.
R-espectfully alone.
E-ndlessly worried.
D-irty promises.

I'm not worried about my life
I am worried about my image
I am trying to strive and strive
Performing on a stage
Called life of strife
This life of strife

Hör auf, listen to me
Du bist nicht so wichtig
As it seems to be.
What? You feel hurt again?
I don't know what to do
My friend.

I don't know what to do, my friend.

Sleeping, waking up, rotting and then sleeping again.
This cycle just never seems to end.
I've fallen into a loophole of desires and ambitions,
But if I'm being honest, I want them none.
Why isn't loving a job?
Why hasn't the world got any love at all?
If I could love, I'd tear this earth apart,
To dig out the affection from its core and carry it all in a cart.
And then I'll distribute it to all of their hearts.

And here we go, I dreamt again.
Besides the fact I spend sleepless nights
And to all the suffering that I had to befriend,
My soul now longs for something that ignites.
Ignites the enthusiasm,
And makes me want to grow.
I live everyday hoping my heart would spasm,
And my brain would go with the flow.

I wish to be a star,
I wish to be the moon,
I wish to never fall apart
And I wish to get such a boon.
But my body is such a goon,
It makes me feel like I'm committing a crime.
I'm living too hard,
It even makes me rhyme.

I'm traped in a place
A place full of confusion
Observed by a demonic face
Conflics with an illusion

Traped at this place with many scars
Living without conviction
This space, with dull stars
This place full of suspicion

Traped at this place and it's hate me
Can't break out of those dark memories
And never will be free
Pictures in my head of those black stories

Traped at this place without hope
A place where I'm alone
This is a place I can't cope
A place, where I breake under the weight of a stone

Traped at this place where I'm lost
It's a place of gloomy fog
A place never endless darkness crossed
This place with an invisible lock

Still traped at this place that I know
This place is me
This place is my foe
This place of broken dignity

There was a princess
lost in and dazed by springtime sweetness.
Picture perfect gowns and rolling meadows,
In her Kingdom
Spring went on and forever.
People wished they lived at such a place,
evergreen flowers and the youth of nature.
Wished they could experience it all.
But the princess was locked inside her palace,
woe the young woman couldn't touch the flowers.
She sat there in her gloomy chamber,
looking outside to the greenest grass.
She was sad and numb but she danced in her room,
wore spring gowns for there was spring at her heart.
She breathed in spring air from within the cold walls,
An ever longing desire in her eyes to touch the spring flowers.
Little does she know for she is spring Herself,
So she touches her heart.

Singing by the wayside
Bellowing in the trees
Lovely like a turtle dove
Lives my hopes and dreams

Far away in the mountains
Buried in a box
My hopes and dreams lie dormant
Gated by the locks

Singing hallelujah
To the once gorgeous mural
Can't distinguish paintings
From extreme peril

But the hopes are beautiful like oceans
And they look like stained glass
And although they might be oblivious
They smell like cut grass

sometimes i wonder if i‘m just another someone
stepping into another someone’s footprints
a placeholder for a someone you can‘t let go
even though the years have passed
and the people have too

i compare myself to a someone who is worthy
of poetry,
of words so beautiful and soft,
i can‘t fathom you thinking them about another someone,
me

it is not about that, i want to deny
speaking the lie so softly to myself
because i keep wondering if you think about me
the way you think about her
if i‘m worthy of colorful words and shiny metaphors
or if i‘m just another someone
who‘s stepping into another someone’s footprints
if worlds we spun and lives we lived aren‘t enough
compared to the someone who got away

i keep wondering if you think about me
the way you think about her
if i‘ll forever just be someone who isn‘t her,
who‘s just enough,
just isn‘t her

a placeholder

i wonder if one day
a someone will return to you
and i wonder if that day
my passing will leave footprints too