As I sit here on October 30 2015 with tears coming down my face my heart is telling me that I have to become a new person even doe it's going to hurt but do it really make a difference? Right now since I'm already hurting but any way the new me ain't going to care about what others think,
Care about helping others if they do me wrong,
The new me ain't going to give chance over chance over chance over chance
This is the new me
The new me ain't going to cry anymore the new me is stronger than the old me and the new me really just don't care anymore but the old me care a lot
As I sit here it's said to say but all this is true cause pain cause people to change and you can't expect people to stay the same after getting hurt over and over and over and over again
Life just don't work that way sorry but the new me don't care it just don't care
If you feel like this way I'm sorry cause I know how it feels and I know it is one of the worst pain ever but if you never felt like this I pray to God that you never have to in your lifetime.

Walking through trees to cool my  pain,
My mind is a fragile thing
Coming unraveled at the seams
The thoughts inside my head, causing dreams
The magic of the trees
Drowning my thoughts in a sea of green
Walking in a world which i feel sane
Where there is no pain
I spent a lifetime,

Sorting through this tangled mind,

Trapped inside.

Eighty years
to love,
Twenty-nine thousand, two hundred days
to leap,
Seven hundred thousand, eight hundred hours
to learn,
Forty-two million, forty-eight thousand minutes
to laugh,
Two billion, five hundred and twenty-two million, eight hundred and eighty thousand seconds
to live,
One lifetime
to leave…

Cars and gasoline and traffic,
Weddings, birthdays, and funerals,
The days, the months, the years.
Failures, mistakes,
Accomplishments, burden.
Life wears thin
as time gains substance.

Lifespans measured through the good and the bad days,
All a distant memory in the end.

I'm on a lifetime mission
And I possess the volition
To relentlessly pursue my objective
To not fall into submission

I aim to be a Man of Honour
To be successful,  et voila,
To rise and conquer any challenge
To get up and push further

I have myself a simple dream
To be the best that I can be
This is my own lifetime mission
And with this wish I will succeed

to the one who broke my heart
I should have known
I gave in to you're pathetic lies
now my life has fallen apart.

I hope you're happy with your life
good luck, you're going to need it
I'm ashamed of what you've become
and embarrassed to have ever called you mine

dear self, what's happened to you?
you used to be so strong.
the wear and tear of others words
you now believe to be true.

you'll be okay, I promise.
you can do hard things
day after day it will get easier
just don't look back, regret, or miss.

to the one who gave me life
and to the one who sorta helped
thank you for everything you've done
all alone I could not handle my strife

dear crush...
I'm sorry that you don't exist.
it's a real pity
the idea of you is exciting, but I won't rush.

to the place that's suppose to teach
when will I learn how to live?
I'm unsure of my life
lifting me higher to the goals I may reach.

dear brother, dear sister
I know I am stuck with you
but for what it is worth
I love you for who you are and what you were

to me long ago
don't worry about now
we are doing alright
things do get better, I know

dear first love
when I was blinded, it was beautiful
my eyes eventually opened
you weren't there when my days were tough

I burned all your gifts
deleted all your pictures
but mountains of memories remain
and I'm falling off the cliff

there's not enough words to say
just know one thing
I loved you with my whole heart
and I felt nothing but betrayed

to the new me years from now
I hope you're still doing okay
please tell me that you've healed
maybe danced away the pain somehow

dear friend, my dearest friend
I wish you were not so far away
I love you with my entire being
no matter what may are friendship never end

you have been with me through hell
and helped me stand up again
forever have my heart and soul
you my friend, who knows me so well

to my child who is years away
you make a perfect addition
to our imperfect little family
we have not yet met but I love you anyway

dear person I hate
sorry we don't get along
unsure of who you are
but I guess now it's too late

to the one who has my heart
thank you for being in my life
I wish I could know who you are
and I wish we didn't have to be apart

dear friend who use to be
I'm sorry for everything I did
I wish it hadn't happened
but I hope you will please forgive me

to the people who don't like me
I'm sorry you feel that way
I will not change to please you
because you hate me for things I may not see

dear boyfriend of mine
so sorry you aren't real
maybe I will meet you soon
but while I wait, I'll be fine.

to everyone who has existed in my lifetime
thanks for doing your part
you've shaped my entire being
and made my life sublime

The world has lost its taste
The trees don't even smell the same
I face this doom that looms over me daily
I'm afraid, a bit nervous..
I'm tired of feeling tired and sick of being sick..
I want to feel again.. I want the rain to wash my pain away.. I miss you to the depths of my soul and I feel your absence as it knocks the wind out of me... Then a small voice cries out in agony saying, "you can do it, just one more day, just one more month, just one more lifetime.."