the thin wall
of pretence
is the barrier
between us

for what we lie
for what we pretend
when all we wanted
was to be happy

but alas we never learn
as we once again lie
not to anyone else
but to ourselves

There are traitors in the castle
Hypocrites and liars
Spreading rumors, keeping secrets
Lighting silent fires
Pacing in the bedrooms
Quiet in the halls
Sneaking after midnight
Conspiring behind walls
Pretending to be royalty
Called themselves "king and queen"
Throwing out words like garbage
Not saying what they mean
Not taking time to think
Just playing a silly game
Betraying flesh and blood
not feeling any shame
Full of carelessness and greediness
But acting so sincere
Watching with fake smiles and laughter
Ignoring every tear
Throwing "traitors" in the dungeon
While deceiving on the thrown
Punishing those "committing crimes"
Not looking at their own
There were traitors in the castle
Hypocrites and liars
Bargaining with enemies
Igniting silent fires
Now there is no castle
No whispers in the halls
Nothing hiding behind doors
All that's standing are the walls

voices


They speak to me
When I am alone;
They tell me about you.
Now that I know you, they know you too,
And they will never let you stay.

They hate you.

They flaunt your flaws,
Force my eyes open
And make me see.
They leave me exposed
To the heat of your words
And the coldest of your ways.
They make me hate you.


voices


I squeeze my eyes shut
And they slither through my mind,
Coiling around my senses.

They hate me

Rustling in the darkest corners,
I hear them.
They whisper in my ear,
Feeding my fears,
And they make me hate me.


i try to shake them off
try to keep myself awake
i can't let them hiss at me
make me despise everything


But they persist.
They want me to fail,
And so I want to fail.
They want me to fall,
And now I'm falling.


i turn up the sounds
to try and drown them out
but i can't stop them!
...they hate me
and now i hate myself too


voices


in the darkness i tie knots
and i tie them tight
i loops loops and i loops them right*


And the voices have won.

I saw the boy I now spend all my time with last night
,

he always tells me “the less makeup the better” 
but last night he said he'd never seen my eyes shine so bright

*
that night, I wore mascara
this night, an old friend came to me for advice

but he didn’t know that I saw him driving earlier & refrained from waving hello, 
*he always told me “we’ll be close forever”


I saw the boy I used to spend all my time with this morning

The last time I fell in love with a liar
You warned me of the heartbreak
The tragic disposition of shallow grace
And panicked distaste.
But the truth reserved itself
Somewhere in a goodnight kiss
And the hurt lay hidden in the sleep.
So when the turn of the century awoke
The complacency of goodbyes fell.