How can I feel the extreme pain of loss and deepest dark despair,
from something that reality affirms was never mutually there?

I loved you and my heart stands witness to every lie you told,
yet it is I who loved for real that is left to feel the frigid cold.

You made me feel both my very best and my very worst,
leaving my mind torn by memory that is both loved and cursed?

The tip of your fragile being 
was blunt with hatred for life itself. 
Your comical abuse wasn't anything more than a way to prove your existence 
To yourself.

You were The Magician
Of course I was The Rabbit
You locked me in a cage
Said, "No one else can have it"

You love to trick the crowd
Showing off your every Illusion
But The Rabbit sees through your lies
Abracadabra: There's no confusion

There won't be another day
When I lie and say
That it don't matter to me
That you won't let it be

Crossing your heart
You did your own part
Promising devotion
A new, familiar start

It wasn't the first
Nor the second or third
But it counted as such
In my eyes, to my touch

It felt real, your affection
Your regrets and confession
My bleeding self took blame
Didn't give in to the flame

Guess it wasn't enough
Loving her and having me
Tempetation sure is rough
To tied hands who can't flee

Just meant to be myself
And mean something to you
But guess my body itself
Was more distracting than good

Figured my heart didn't deserve much
But icy nights in desertland
And for my soul to hush
Its complaints to strand

You promised
Tied the knot to my finger and yours
But if we're being honest
Your promises kinda blurred

Guess you weren't the promise-keeper
That you promised you would be
Guess you are a kind cheater
That just won't set me free

-
you relearn coming home

-

You find out how it tastes different
From when you were a little girl
(It’s far less rust tinged these days)

You name everything inside of you
anger or shame
So you never have to look to closely at the hurt
(It's mostly pretending you are something other than empty)

You relearn steady in chaos
you can still patch up
****** gaping holes with shaking hands
Lies leave your mouth faster
Than anyone has time to get the safety off

You relearn two faced
that one you never really let go of
it feels the same as it always did
Like a party trick you could never stop preforming
because it isn’t one
You know liar
The game is you are almost always
Telling a truth



-  What does learning to come home mean; why is it the first place you learn to run from

Looking up at the sky,
What do you see?
When one tells a lie,
How does one breathe?
A man who tends to be shy,
Opens up like a blade from sheath.
Please don’t tell him good-bye;
One more heartbreak may lead him to die.