Am I too early
or so so very late?
Time is but a smudge
of mixed acrylic paint.

My history, the canvas
and my pen a brush.
Time is but a smudge
dripping through my clutch.

Dreams blur into nightmares;
nightmares into day-time thoughts.
Time is but a smudge
of profits and loss.

When the end comes
my journal will be passed.
Time is but a smudge
that my children will grasp.

They will both read
of my love for them.
Time is but a smudge
in this infinite realm.

They will both know
how much I love them so.
Time is but a smudge
and if it weren't for them I would of let go.

Time is but a smudge
in an never ending orbit
time is but a smudge
and they have made it euphoric.

Pick yourself up and dust off your shoulders
because you're a soldier and have no time to rest.
You can't escape this life because you sold your soul for this
and in the next year, you'll be buried right under your feet, six feet deep.

Will it be your hell?
******* alone surrounded by nothing but chains
for years and years.
Calling out to empty shadows and swallowing dust over these times.

Will it be your heaven?
In the summer of ninety-six
with the night lite up with fireworks on the fourth.
Chasing the sparks because you're a child again.

Pick your feet up and march to the drums of your family.
You promised to always protect your family
and this is all you know to do.
Giving up your life for your brother's
is what you were trained to do.

Your heart is weak but warm.
But you will not be needing it for long.
You find peace in the night
but always keep a candle lit,
to keep an eye on your brother
because he is all there is.

Things can't be rewritten or reversed.
You've just got a confused mind
and acted out of grief.
But you're always able to rewind to the night
a bullet took your brother.

These lifeforms made a deal for you, that they knew you'd take.
They could care less about your feelings.
They could **** without warning,
but you trust them with your brother's life on this one.

So now you stand a man with a deal to die
but it's all worth it because now your brother can live.
Selling your life so he can have his back was the best birthday present
you could give.

We were once kids.
We were once wild.
We were once soldiers.
In the dead of winter, you greeted death.
You fell from my grip and into the darkness,
and now a hundred years have rotted away and I have never felt so alone.
I ran from the winter because war was to attached to it.
I close my eyes and I see you there on the front line.
Young and drained, you were just a body rotting away.
Full of life so you hung on with everything you had.
bang
bang
It was such an awful sound.
Only if I had taken your place.
If only you would have run the other way.
Just how unfair is our luck.

Someday I'll teach myself to learn and live alone.
I'll teach myself that death was not the enemy.
But the winter storm rages on and I'm still having trouble breathing.
Don't be alarmed.
I march on.
Like the soldier I once was.
Don't be alarmed.
I've seen many winter storms
and I have miraculously survived them all.

Can't you see that I don't want to move on?
Don't bring tomorrow because I can't take another.
My eyes are too fogged to see the light.
My minds too cluttered to think right.
I've tasted my own tears
and faced all my fears.
So here I am.
Laying on the floor.
So here we are.
Together once more.

she tried to abort me
he left me, I was 12
at seven he convinced me
I'd seen the gates of hell

he told me that he loved me
then ground me into dust
and when I picked myself back up
again he took my trust

A mother’s prayer begins the day the negative turns into a plus,
Every prayer a mother releases into the universe is no longer for herself,
but for the seedlings that will one day sprout into her garden,
A mother that prays , prays for love, protection, and good health,
Coming from where I'm from,
We have to pray a little more and a whole lot harder,
I pray these people give my babies a chance,
Spare them from the ak47 and ar15 that they love so much,
Spare them from negative connotations,
Spare them from being another statistic,
Spare them from the hate,
Spare them from the fear,
Let them wake up in the morning to a new day,
Let them shine like the sun in the sky,
Let them live like their is no tomorrow,
Allow them to laugh so deeply that it hurts ,
Allow them to be your source of light,
Allow them to inspire and change the world,
Protect their big lips, unruly hair, and chocolate skin,
Protect their innocence,
Protect them from the hidden devils that have been placed on this earth,
Protect them every second, every minute, every hour
Give them strength to overcome,
Give them understanding to the circumstances they have been born into,
Give them knowledge to distinguish the real,
I can not protect my children,
I can not stop the plan,
I can not write a life of love and happiness for them,
So I ask the people of this world to not put any more pressure upon there already ridden backs,
For I am a mother who prays.