You ask why were not best friends....
when all you did today was comment on every mistake I made
Told me I had to fix my hair every time a strand got away
saying it wasn't good enough
In so many ways it meant I wasn't good enough
you asked why I hated you....
when I've never left loved by you
You told me I was being ridiculous
'after everything I've done for you' you started saying
I didn't hear what came after, the tears welling in my eyes and burn clogging my throat just a loud buzz in my ear drums
You told me I was in some sort of power house mood and couldn't be talked too....
but what if I've never been able to talk to you I just hid it better when I was younger?
Your always saying how the things I do aren't me....
wow, you must really not know me
the criticism is a lot weighting down on my shoulders but everything's fine I'll just roll my eyes
I sometimes wonder how you don't see me crying every night in my bed?
or if you know and just don't care?
You must notice how your words could cut through steel?
how every time you say something my eyes water?
I want to apologize but it's not my fault
everything hurts all the time
but how am I supposed to let go when I learned from a very young age that being judged by your mother is the worse pain of all....

Don't trust him! He's nuts,

he even confuses Kant --


with Schopenhauer!

I’m over Siri-ous,
I’m over-charging,
My screen time is up,
My audio levels are up,
I was watching **** again,
I’m searching stupid things,
I’m not closing all my circles,
I haven’t walked long enough,
I don’t stand at all the right times,
I may be an online shopping ******,
I’m spending too much time on Tiktok,
My heart jumps around the wrong guys,
I’m looking at bright screens late at night,
I’m getting too many calories from cocktails,
I’m not taking full advantage of my subscriptions,
I need to upgrade my hardware, software and my attitude.

Golden cloaks for sale,

against all evil-thinking --


Of you? Or of me?

I see you,
yes you there,
those peering eyes,
lips pursed,
teeth in a grind,
smirk lines,
touching the right ear.
Yes you,
I am calling you out,
you are judging me,
come on!
yes you are ,
for my time,
MY time .
you wonder how,
what i do ,
in my free time?

my time is not free,
please! i am a life.
i do a lot ,
but to put up a show,
now, now!
stop .

opinions like yours,
i wouldn't lie,
popped up ,
quite a few times .
now i tell you,
if thoughts like that,
left my head,
youd leave me too.

oh come on!
a friend i can be,
a follower,
oh please !
let me be .

my free time ,
as you call it,
my privilidge,
and my choice.
i have earned it ,
or not ,
you are one,
to question,
to point.
this precious job,
who did onoint?
were you coronated,
by the likes of you?
to lead and demolish,
my very being.
word after word,
they are put out ,
like cannon ***** .
i still stand guard,
my thoughts,
MY free time.

Different;
You heard me,
that's what i'll always be.
Maybe not to my eyes,
but to yours they will see.
Different is the word to describe
the abnormalities in ones self of
individuality.
I' am different because your music taste is awful,
but who am I to judge ones flavor in artistry.
You **** me in and ******* out like a dragons fire.
I' am the girl who you never thought you'd heard.
Different is what they call me, and in some other terms
just a freak in disguise.

Drowning in this judgemental sea
Why can't I be just who I want to be?
Their judging fingers pointing at me
I desire to be free
Why can't I be me?

It says,

“For all have sinned

and fall short of the glory of God!”

So, I ask you,

just how much have

I sinned in comparison

to the pedestal you

set yourself upon?

How much have I plummeted

beneath our great Lord's

merciful feet,

when I dare to challenge

the oppression of earth's

white-man evangelist bigotry?

I ask you,

most wise and knowledgeable

devoter,

just how far do I fall

from the Lord our God's

reaches of heaven

when I have questioned

on the magnitude

of our fellow man's

prejudice and injustice,

and you have not?

do not judge my story
if you haven’t read
all the chapters.