I'm lonely.
In both the friendship way and a boyfriend way.

I no longer feel wanted by my friends and too **** quiet to even have a guy talk to me.

It pierces my heart, and also my brain with a gush of longing for love, and comfort.

Yet, everyone I know has a group of best friends or a boyfriend. Yet here I am, alone on Friday and Saturday night just wanting to feel loved.

I'm so deprived of having fun with other people, that I'm crying.

I want someone to just be there for me, because I will always be there for you.

I want someone that will make me laugh, because I will always make you laugh.

So god, all I want is the feeling of loneliness, and sadness to dismiss.

I no longer want to feel lonely.

All I want, is a friend.

Judged by my personal appearance,
like really, "you never gave me a chance,"
Others too quick to giving me a label
certainly not a good idea, I'm unstable.
Now see, do I look that intimidating?
or are you like the rest, hating.

Done some things, I refuse to repeat,
not a legit reason, for you to mistreat.
Don't judge me by my personal use,
take a trip in my shoes, learn about my root
You see my scars, plugs and tattoos,
all I see is i'm missing my shoes.

You'll get a name, whether you're doing good or bad,
especially those who didn't have a dad
No matter what, they will talk behind your back
while your boyfriend is buying a sack
Let those mice, run their trap
I count down the numbers, subtract.

Open your mouth to spread those rumors,
used to it, all started when I was a junior
Keep putting your nose where it doesn't belong,
you'll consistently talk **** life long
Sorry, I don't reach your standards,
placing your life in a hazard.

I could careless about what you say,
hoping my next UA will be delayed,
attempting to bring my esteem down,
when truly behing your words is a frown,
Grinning, not caring because I have the power,
head high, looking out my invisible tower.

I crash
against myself

again
  and again
     and again

throwing myself into
the possibilities
of me

she
who could be
   or has always been

while I,
in the now
stand scrutinized
under judgmental eyes

that I no longer wish to heed

Please RSVP
to the event which is my life
and don't forget to follow me
might you please like?!

<pause>

It's been days
& virtually
no likes.
But that's how we judge our self-worth
and give meaning to proceeding in life.

SLAPPED in the face
by an opening door.
My past flashes forward
as I hit the floor.

Liked by many
Disliked by more
I used to relish in the love of my haters
like a *****.

Always high
from the love of my admirers

I did not care to be judged
in the social court room
of people for higher.

A hand pulls me towards
the future
which is now
my present
in the past

Pulled forward
to the door
which took me back.

I liked that girl.
She was an ultimate me.
She did not care
to RSVP.

Yanked forth once more
from the protruding arm out the door.

Hesitant I

shoes nervously glued to space
in this time.

Please RSVP?
to the event
which is me?!

I'm guest of honor
*****!

I took my shoes off
and walked in freely.

She is quite
For she is powerless
Maybe she's contemplating
But really, she's dying
Knife like words
Are piercing through her
Silence is her defender
Chose not to spoke
Because she lost hope

'Cause my ashes flew somewhere else
Where lost people go
I tried running and hiding
Away from the stares
The judgement of the minds
In an irrational trial
I am held guilty of being me
I am a sinner
'Cause I am broken
Left to chase my ashes
Bounded with endless bars
And cliffs as roads
I am sorry
*For being different

You were the FINAL straw.
I refuse to to be SILENCED anymore.
My word speak VOLUMES
And I'll PROVE it to you.

I am SICK and TIRED of being stepped on,
Being JUDGED,
LIED to,
Taken ADVANTAGE of
like I'm WORTHLESS and USELESS.
I am NOT gonna believe that lie anymore, I know I'm SPECIAL.
I am not afraid to EXPRESS myself any longer.

I have people who CARE about me, who LOVE me for who I am,
Not for who I may have PRETENDED to be.

The choices in my life are MINE to make, because
I CONTROL my destiny, not you, or anyone who says otherwise.

I have the POWER to PERSEVERE,
To PREVAIL over any odds.
And GUESS what?
So do you  you and you,
We all have a CHOICE.
I'm stepping up so my voice can be HEARD.
What about you?