you don't like
those freckles
on your shoulders
but i love drawing them
on the page like
constellations
that are immoral,
that stay with me
forever
even if
you don't
know
that i
exist on
the same
planet
as you.

do you feel  anxious?
can you still eat without
having the thought
that maybe you'll
swell up and
can't get past door
or hearts?
wanting to be like
paper but
you never thought
that being paper
was fragile
and that people
could write all
over you.
what you needed
was thick skin
and a thick heart.

do you feel scared?
when you hear your
name, thinking
are they talking
about your scars?
your imperfections?
your breakouts and your
bruised skin.
can you look at someone
straight in the eye
without thinking
that they're staring
at that ugly mole
and aren't even
focusing on you,
so you look down
at their feet
but darling,
you should look
at them with pride
because your scars,
marks and pimples
are not an end
but they are
a journey,
a story
of what
you've gone
through.

do you feel stressed?
when compare your body
to a model or an idol
who has a tiny waist,
yet she's curvy,
do you measure your *******,
your waist and looking
for solutions to looking
like your 'dream girl'
that you dream about,
the one who's
so confident
so beautiful
so perfect?

have you ever thought,
that maybe
your dream girl
was actually inside of you?
she came to birth with you
she opened her eyes with you
she said her first word with you,
she walked with you.

and she'll dream with you
oh she'd care for you,
look out for you,
crave for you
but most of all
she'll love you.

you are your dream girl.

Mouth. Voice. Hesitant. Flesh vs Spirit.
Fear vs Love.
If only I could stop letting the lizard step on the plans God has for me.
If only he could stop conducting the ochestra in my head. To play the music he wants to hear.
Help me see past the nice wrapped empty boxes. What if the cardboard boxes out of view kept bars of silver, marble and gold. Or something even better.
If only I could stop riding on marble waves, and drown in deep. To have been surrounded by your Love. Mercy. Grace.
Maybe I don't know the plans, but you showed me pieces, cassate tapes, videos of what your plan is for me.
Show me more.
Show me pictures of your majesty.
Movies of what is a Godly family.
Help me get past this.
Open up my heart.
Force open it.
I want to give you the keys. You know my secrets, my dreams.
You take care of me in my sleep...
Lord, my family, my friends.
Help me with my insecurities...

As she hears the voice of rain, tapping the window, thrumming the roof,

the song of rain with leaves and stones and woods, 

 and as she opens the window, the fresh shower of rain touches her face.

She gets filled with joy and happiness like a little child,

holding her skirt, she jumps in the rain and opens her arms like a bird.

----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------

And she starts dancing, calling her little sister to come out and join the rain dance.

Come out, the rain is so fresh and nice, we will dance together,

 No, I will catch a cold. 

 Come, can you hear the song of rain, it's so soothing, we will dance,

 No, I will slip, mama will get angry. 

 Come, it will be fun, we will splash together and make the boat afterwards. 

 Ok! coming, follow my moves,  

Turn, turn around!  

As she turns, she notices an eye was watching her from behind the wall.

----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------

The eyes she had never seen before, that sight, she had never noticed before, she had never felt so awkward by someone's sight. 

Suddenly she finds the rain very unpleasant, 

Oh! it makes my blouse too tight, it makes my skirt wet, my hair clumsy, and she gathers her skirt and goes downstairs, 

what happened, come let's dance. 

No, let's go down, change, as we might catch a cold. 

 And from that day the rain dance stops. 

--------------------------------------------------------­----------------------------

Did she notices that she is no more a kid,  or the sight made her realise that she can't act kid,  

Will she ever, can do a rain dance so carelessly and shamelessly.

Will she ever, be filled with so much  excitement to dance in the rain, 

Might me someday, but never be so carelessly, as she knows some creepy eyes might be watching. 

An innocence is lost and a young confused teenager is born.

            

Believing in love...
Believing that it will last forever
Is what broke me before

Believing that I was loved
And that that wouldn't change
Made it all so much harder

When it blew up in my face

Believing the words "I love you,"
And "I won't stop loving you,"
Led to my dislocated heart

So how could you blame me
For inevitable insecurities
Surrounding those words now?

Because I love you...

I cannot get enough of you
But every time I ask for a kiss
Or declare that I love you first

Internally, I am petrified
That you could reject me
As damage is more than done

On my self-esteem, on my heart

And I love you so so much
I just wish that didn't scare me
As I'm sick of feeling vulnerable

For the sake of being happy
And you make me so so happy
But that scares me every day

Because I will love you forever