I find myself hiding
under my bed sheets,
every corner of my room haunts me.
The alcohol on my breath worries my mother.
The aroma of your cologne
remains impregnated on the sweater
I wore the last time I saw you .
I hate you even though I miss you through my teeth
and even though this feeling consumes me,
I regret you all the time.
Leaving tore me apart, but realizing you’d already abandoned us stinged even more. No matter how tiring my days were, I would always seek out that street corner, where your words first wrapped me with love. But now, the sight of it from across the street is a wound that refuses to heal.
I expressed out the fear that loving you caused me, due the damage I had already lived through and even so you continued to do me the same damage
I drown seeking answers for the endless doubts that you left me.
I lose myself in a glass of wine, chasing the ghost of our first kiss.
Did you ever thought of me? Or did your narcissism get the better of you once again?

i believe that if
i don't eat
three meals
a day
i'll feel better
about myself
it's
not
working

the mirror plays favorites
she twiddles the beauty queen’s golden hair
she puckers up so lipstick can be placed on her full lips
her hair the perfect length to play with
not dry, but smooth and so healthy

she picks the prom queen’s silky dress with dignity
it’s perfect for her malnourished body
it lays and sits so beautifully
the mirror sees her and appreciates the craft she created
grins, and puts silver and gold expensive earrings on her ears

but when i approach,
she turns her face in disgust
throws an outfit at me; ripped jeans and a tacky t-shirt
she says i’m too fat and that i should keep my legs far apart so people don’t notice how weird i look
she grimaces at me and i walk away bashfully
‘never letting her look at me again’
i say
but
i always come back for her critical opinion
and i accept it
that’s exactly what i am
not beautiful, a fat failure

Dear love,

I know it's too much to ask
But please bear with my constant insecurities
My constant what ifs
I will never feel 'enough'
But I'll try my best
I'd get competitive with your past
Forgive me
If I always feel I lose
To the ones you've loved before
For they are everything I'm not
Thank you