I wish I could escape,
this awful life of mine,
shape a different fate,
in another time.

what's the point of god,
sitting upon his mighty spot?
if when he looks down,
he turns my pain up a notch.

so now I sit in silence,
upon this high up rock,
I wonder if I jumped,
would anyone be shocked?

I'm often pushed to the side,
i feel like I'm insane,
so when I take my leap,
the world should hang its head in shame.

shadows dance around my room.

it's a party of darkness through which I must sleep. the noisy fists incessantly pound on fleshy white periosteum- I’m bleeding.

I'm gasping from inebriation and
blurred vision the party induced,

tripped up steps on drowsy meds- my memory, now abaited
replaced by these
dark guests

my chest
lurched, poised and ready to jump over the edge of my rib cage.

and I'd **** for water,
but all the bartenders offer
are straight jackets, quetiapine fumarate and more paranoia.

there's only room for one person in here.
but there are two voices I hear.

Inside the minds who **** for fun.
No words left, my body feels numb.
Still I lay, my breath delays, I am his prey
And my fingers decay.
Nobody will find me nobody will dare
Inside his fists, are locks of my hair
The blood runs deep he feels the effects
Yes not just crazy, but more complex


~~~~

I cant fight any more.... I'm done.
My own mind assaults me and it knows my weaknesses.
The gaping wounds in my thoughts are constantly re-opened.
I wonder which side of sanity I live on and I despair....
What if I am sane?
What if this is reality and my vision clear?
My refuge then must surely be insanity?
Or am I already there?

You know the words
make little sense.
But they replay
over and over and over
in your head.
And no matter
how much you could just
let it go,
just let it all go,
the pain of what they said
still grows.


-
by Aleksander Mielnikow

The longer that you're gone, the more I feel insane. When you come back, I'm afraid I won't be the same. I've been stabbed and strangled and I've lost all my brawn. The hair will be mangled and the teeth will be gone. The shoes will be muddy and the bruises, there's a lot. The nose will be ****** and the eyes bloodshot. Both arms out the sockets and both legs in a knot. I bought a tiny necklace locket with a pic of the man I fought. He looks like me but I assure you, he's not. This person wasn't found. For this person I have sought. But this person can't be located in any one spot. Cause this person is with me no matter where I go. This person beats me up and I'd like you all to know that this man must be... he has to be a ghost. There's no doubt about it. He steals my buttered toast. My ribs hurt, but I doubt that I'm starving. The food goes down my throat, but he still must be robbing from my intestines and the warmth from my coat is being stolen like the float from my boat and the **** from my colon. The boats float was stolen so I'm sinking in the ocean blue. I'm feeling this way because there goes the crew. The captain and the sailors have all left the scene. No more broom men left to tidy so the woods all rotten and green. I'm sinking here alone and I would like my float back. Her name is Mia, shes amazing and she keeps me on track. I love my lil float more than any lil thing. I hope she loves me back and continues to cling onto me forever in our sweet state of bliss. I end this with an "I love you" and a "I sincerely miss".