If Only
A thousand words I wish to say
But only silence is heard
Feelings to share, a message convey
But I don't say a word
A ton of things I would do
To show how much I care
So much I would give to you
If...I really dared

All the thoughts I think of you
Deeply held within
Concealed completely without a clue
It'll look, as it's always been

If only I could but show
How you make me feel
If you would only know
What I can't reveal
If only you knew the ache I felt
The day you shut me out
The pain and sadness that I dealt
When we walk the parting route
If only you knew the memories it brought
When I saw something you'd like
Everything about you I never forgot
Hidden in my heart so tight
A thousand word "If Onlys" fill my mind
Wishing you felt this way too
A thousand words I would find
To say "If only you knew."

I find it ironic how
We get warnings for how to deal with hurricanes weeks in advance
But you...
No one tells me how to deal with you
You crashed into me
Brought out things in me
That I didnt remember I had
And showed me things I didnt even know about myself
But instead of leaving me like a shell
Like hurricanes do
To homes, towns, entire cities
You left me with wind in my heart
Thunderstorms in my soul

The rain you left behind in your wake wont stop
The wind hitting the walls of my heart whenever i think of you
But youve moved into a different country
Even so You'll be my storm rescue soon enough

.                                                               .
                                                              I­'m
                                                        home again,
                                                 and I'm alone again;
                                           and hell, why do I even try.
                                          But, if home again means I'm
                                         alone       again, then,     why do
                                   I stay inside? Am I afraid to be seen or
                                      to be recognised?  It's just seems I   
                                       I am more afraid to be forgotten                                         And         I  gathered  ­       there's
                                        no           risk of being       out  of
                                       mind if I'm never out there to be left
                                      there. I guess on on the bright side; I
                                      could        say ;"at least       I'm warm
                                     inside,"       or    "thank-       fully there's
                                       no   rain   today."   Yet   that    does
                                   not remove the                    empty  space
                             ­      beside   of   me,                   or so frequently
                                                              le­ft    inside
                                                                ­  of   me.
I don't even wish it to be filled,  simply     gone. Because then I'd never to have to do random **** or get ****** up a bit to     pretend I'm having fun. It's nothing to do with "glass half-empty and glass half..."     yea that   bull. It is simply about    all these empty houses that have always been     full.

Talking in the mornings before school
Asking him out
Taking him to dinner
Laughing over each other’s jokes
Holding hands during  a film
Giving him my jacket when it gets cold
Kissing his cheek good night
Smiling over a picnic at the beach
Dancing to our favorite songs
Spilling secrets over late night phone calls
Kissing his lips for the first time
Holding him tight throughout the night
Being there when tragedy struck
Proposing in the middle of a middle of a restaurant
Crying tears of joy when he says yes
Telling memories during the wedding plans
Saying ‘I do’ in front of our families
Making love for the whole night after
Buying our own house together
Meeting our surrogate children for the first time
Watching as they take their first steps
Romantic candle-lit dinners for every anniversary
Applauding at our children’s school graduation
Sitting on our deck with our grandchildren running around
Soft kisses as we age
Together til death do us part
If only.