I loved that you didn´t
Care about me
Or my mistakes
Or my disease

I loved that you didn´t
Seem to pretend
That you were more
Than simply a friend

I loved that you were
As deadly as fire
And the only one
That I´d ever desire

I loved your excuses
So perfectly made-up

I loved you were hurting
When I finally gave up

Everything feels like its moving
It's coming closer...
I can't breathe...
Closing, tighter, hurting
Everything hurts
My breath is slowing
My bones are BREAKING
My blood is RUSHING

WHY AREN'T I DEAD YET?!

When you tinker with broken glass
You must not complain for getting hurt
For so mercilessly,
so delicately it cuts

Today there are no certainties
From the day my mom gave birth to me
As a child so young and free
I never knew what life held for me

As the days turn into years
My innocents turned into fears
I found that life was full of pain
And hurt and suffering all the same

I tried and tried to find my way
But misery was there to stay
The things of love and happiness
My dad told me would be a bliss

But years have slowly passed me buy
And the things I’ve lost just makes me cry
I think of all the lonely nights
And all the ugly violent fights

The many nights I cried in pain
For tomorrow it would be the same
The screaming shouting, ugly words
You’ll never know how much it hurts

The day we meet
I’ll never forget
Your gentle words and loving ways
How I pray there where there to stay

To calm my fears
And wipe my tears
To show me love
For all the years

But sadly as the months went by
I realized it’s all a lie
The happy home and tenderness
The sweet caress and gentleness

I sit and wonder what went wrong
It hasn't been that very long
Since the day I said good bye
And realized it was all a lie

How can someone so sweet and dear
Cause me so much pain and fear
You call and say you love me so
Do you really? I want to know

My heart was broken long ago
Can you remember you should know?
I turned around and left that day
And told myself it’s all okay

Three month later who should call
It was you in pieces, I took the fall
You were so down and miserable
And said you loved me most of all

Because I gave my heart to you
And it was a love so dear and true
So once again I took you back
Cause strength and pride I sure did lack

It wasn't long until again
Fighting, screaming lots of pain
Now it’s many years gone bye
And once again i say goodbye

But still you call me all the time
And say you love me more each time
How did it go so very wrong?
How did we miss it all along?

Why could we not find piece my dear?
Why did you listen but never hear?
But sadly now I have to say
I cannot take another day

Of broken dreams and a broken heart
And lonely nights we sleep apart
As I sit here thinking back
It was my dignity that I lacked

I love you to
If you only knew
But now it’s over I have to say
But you’ll go on and be okay

I get tired of dead voices within. For a moment I look outside my self with intentions to buffer my self-destruction only to find I am better within myself, pure in my own hurt than to open to a more dead world.

I've given myself more bruises
than any fall could have

hands are shaking
eyes are dry
my body moves
but my mind doesn’t
i’m still on the ground
while my legs climb
up onto the ledge
until i look out
i change my mind