I'm not sure if anyone has ever lived through as much as Teagan Carr has. I say this because, to be completely honest, I have no idea what happened to her.
One minute she was this daring and fiery woman who radiated independence. Then one day, she just... changed.
It wasn't noticeable so much at first. It started with her eyes.
They lost a little light, and then her head lost a little fight and she began to have these thoughts. She started to believe that she wasn't beautiful or special.
She began to insult herself. I mean she never personally told me this stuff, but it was obvious. You tend to notice things like this when suddenly your girlfriend won't look into your eyes. You start to see the pain in her face when she tries to smile but it doesn't come out. You start to notice when she refuses to leave her house, and refuses to eat.
Then suddenly, before you know it, she's a completely different person. she's quiet and sad all the time, constantly pushing you away, and you can't take it anymore.
But you see, I couldn't give up. if you saw her you would understand why. she looked miserable. I wanted to help her and she needed me.
Plus, she didn't have anyone else.
The ocean calms my restless soul. The beautiful mist that sprayed on my skin helped clear my mind, and I felt at ease.
"Isn't this lovely?" I whispered more so to myself, trying to reassure my body. but then Teagan answered.
"Yes, it is." she said calmly. "it's refreshing."
I looked back at her small body wrapped in thick blankets sitting on the dock.
Compared to the ocean surrounding us, she was far more beautiful and I couldn't help but smile to her.
She returned it briefly than looked away. she was wringing her hands and blinking rapidly.
"Things will be different here, love", i said moving to squat down beside her. "Everything will get better. give it some time."
She nodded her head and then rested it on my shoulder.
"I love you Kai," she said.
"I love you too," I returned.
~She was beautiful. The sea was beautiful. the sun was setting, and the stars came out.~
The first night in our new home in Alaska was hard. Teagan and I each rented our own motel rooms across from each other seeing how we were only eighteen and not married. however, I ended up sitting in her room all night long, holding her small lithe body in my arms. she wash shaking and shivering, and my heart broke for her.
We had left California on a boat together. she left because she was hurting, while I left because I couldn't stand to see her hurting anymore.
"What happened to you, darling?" I asked just like I did every night since she changed.
"Nothing" was her usual answer, but tonight she was quiet, like she was about to spill open or explode. but she remained quiet.
I sighed and pulled her closer. her face was pressed against my beating heart and I tried to pump some of my life in her.
"Please,love,talk to me."
~the room was stuffy, yet cold. the lights were dim, and the carpets were old.~
The next day there was no change. Teagan looked as dead as ever, yet so full of life. It just wasn't visible, but I knew it was still within her.
I knew her personality well enough. She didn't just leave, she was still there. it was just that something blocked her mind. something held the truth back and she needed help spilling it out.
So when I got back from the corner gas station with two cups of coffee and two Krispy Kreme doughnuts, I sat with her.
"Hi", I said.
"I love you."
"I love you as well."
"Then help me understand."
"Why your hurting."
~the room was shrinking, my head was hurting, and she shook with fear.~
The next night was hard. I slept in my own room till I heard her screaming. I ran to her room and found her still asleep but thrashing about.
"No,don't," she was whispering, her throat tight and scratchy. "please don't take me! Let me stay, Please!"
I rushed to her side and tried to hold her down.
"Teagan,love, its me, Kai."
She stilled at the sound of my voice.
"Oh,Kai," she said through streaming tears.
I picked her up and kissed her soft brown hair.
Looking into her watery hazel eyes I whispered, "what's wrong darling?"
"I don't know," she said.
"Who were you yelling at?"
"I don't know"
"Please let me in"
~her face was wet, mine was sweaty. her eyes were wild, mine were heavy.~
"I'll tell you now," she whispered three days later. "I'll tell you why I'm hurting so much, but you have to listen closely."
"Your not what?"
"Hurting. you are."
"Really?" I asked scoffingly. "Really? That's why I freaking followed you to the cursed Alaskan tundra? Listen Teagan, I came here with you to protect and help you! Your the one that's hurting."
I was angry. No, infuriated.
"It's all you," she whispered in my ear. "it's all you Kai. your beating yourself up over the past. its all in your head."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm not Teagan."
"Yes, you are."
"No. Teagans dead.
"No she's not. your her. your-"
I blinked. she was gone.
Teagan had disappeared.
~the room was spinning, my head hurt. the demons were winning, my eyes burnt.~
I had passed out, but when j woke up I remembered.
Teagan was gone.
Not the Teagan from last night, but the real one.
She had... well I can't remember the details.
But I do remember that she left. to a better place, mind you. she was totally safe, fine and dandy.
My mind was jut playing tricks on me, making me think she was still hurting, but no, she's fine.
I smiled at that.
I remembered then, what those nice men in white coats had said. they told me she had bled a lot, but all in all she was better off now.
They said she was okay and safe now.
I remember my mother explaining it, something about a glorious home with hello floors and beautiful people working there who smile all the time.
I remember them explaining That I couldn't see her because it wouldn't be fair to everyone else I know. they said that I had to stay till it was my time.
Oh boy I miss her.
But at least I still have the memories.
I'll see her agin soon the me. In white coats said. I thought that'd be nice, and smiled.
"So, Teagan," I said to her in my mind. "I'll see you soon. goodnight, wherever you are."
Then I opened my eyes;just a peek.
There was a bunch of people staring at me. I recognized some of them. I saw my mom and dad, and my brothers.
They were crying and I don't know why.
I squinted at the scratchy sheets that were pulled up to my chest. and then I heard the beeping from a machine behind me that kept getting slower and slower.
Suddenly I remembered something about Teagan. she had loved me but not enough to stay with me. then I remembered the red in the tub, and the body floating there.
(But the men in white coats had come and helped her, so she was fine.)
The beeping got quieter.
It got slower too.
My eyes became to Harvey and they snapped shut.
Then a miracle happened!
Teagan appears in my white room.
"Your back!" I yelled smiling at her.
"Why'd you do this Kai?" She asked softly and quietly.
She was crying. why didn't she seem happy to see me?
"Well," I began. "I did what you did to leave. I wanted to see you again and join you at the home."
"Cause I love you. but it's okay, I didn't hurt much." I said smiling through tears. "the men in white came so I figured they'd take care of me like they did you."
She looked at me with an expression filled with love, pity, and grief.
"Well then come my love, it's time to go."
She helped me out of bed and it all went white.
I saw the yellow floors of the hallway.
....Then the beeping stopped.
A short story I wrote. Hope you enjoy. Follow me on Wattpad and all my other social media for more @someday_alaska