Oh I was never lost
I just decided to never go home

Maybe because feeling homesick in your arms
Is better than being home

Loving may break me
But I’d rather never feel whole

If breathing was easier
Maybe then I could speak
Tell you about my dreams
And why I can’t sleep

There was a time I wanted to go home
Rainbow acid pop in my grip
and grilled chicken in my gut
a power to pull my lips sideways
for a wistful smile.
I lie now at the base of a grave
sharing my chicken with worms
and snakes!
And snakes with their ugly fangs
rob me off my pop
and the evergreen beauty I thought infinite
Lost in my eyes
gone with my tears.
The fair land of my heart
barren of any light to harvest,
And I'm degraded through the mocking
momentum of life..
If there was any path to home at all
One to the rainwashed windows
and one to the tender fall
I would go back and stand tall.
Left to the hands of time,
Right, it is lost! There is no path at all..

So many times,
I’ve tried telling you
that I love you and that I care for you,

I need you to know that I see your intentions,
that you are indeed trying,

He does not see you for who you are,
she can not see you for who you are,
they would not see you for who you are,
if you do not acknowledge who you are,

dear self,
care for your soul, it’s been homeless too many times,
sing to your heart, it’s been homesick for some beats,
make peace with your mind, it’s the only home for your thoughts,
thoughts like this,
that have not been cared for at all
and not once filled with some love.

In dreams
I am the rhythm
to the dancer
underneath her skin
In dreams
I only fight
in the river of remembrance
in her breathing
In dreams
imagining my woman
nervous, scowling
reaching for my hand
In dreams
fighting to stay
in silver clouds
above this land
In dreams
reimagining oceans
beyond this land
and endless drone
In dreams
talking backwards
riding rail lines
back to my home

I keep losing things that I never had.
I feel homesick in places that feel a lot like home.
I find light in the dark spaces between stars.
The moon is screaming back all the secrets I howled.
I swear that at this moment everything feels like nothing.
And no matter how hard I pinch myself, it still feels nothing like reality.

My soul is sick
it itches for
a place I didn’t
know could exist
it unfolds
the four corners
tucked away on earth
and seeks comfort
in the hearth
of another person’s touch
but still it seeks
and still it screams
that home isn’t on this earth
for me.

The trees you once told me to follow home...
They're gone.
You told me to burn them to my memory so that I would always be able to find my way home.
Now I'm lost, Mama.
Places of only memory now.
Outside the gate.
Stuck on the wrong side.
Nothing feels right.
Giants that once stood so tall and guarding.
Cut down as if they had never been.
Mama, I can't find my way home.
The trees are gone.

home is not a place
it is never a place

it is a feeling

sometimes,
if you’re lucky

it is a person

I keep feeling homesick
I don’t get to see the ocean at night anymore
There is no longer warmth there
I want to see the people smiling again
I want red bottles
And listerine
I want cologne and listerine
A beautiful full moon in your smile carried itself there
My heart almost left me to go back there
I almost left me to go back there...