This is ******* breaking me to pieces,
but if this is going to be a goodbye I want you to know some things:

1) I used to always wonder why I wasn’t good enough for you.
People told me I did too much for you, that I tried to hard for you.
But I didn’t believe that.

2) I thought  ‘maybe I’m not pretty enough.’
‘Maybe I’m not outgoing enough.’  
‘Maybe I’m not smart enough.’
‘Maybe I’m not strong enough.’

3)So I worried and worked on these things.
Trying to gain confidence.
Trying to gain composer.
But I was gaining all this attention and not yours.

4) Truth is you liked me for me,
but I was too blind to see.

5) I didn’t know there was an eternal battle.

6) I didn’t know it was your own thing.

7) I didn’t know you Really loved me.

8) I always wondered why it wasn’t me?

9) Why couldn’t you be addicted to me?

Why can’t I be “her” ?

Why can’t he call me?

When will he see me?

10) But he did.
I just wasn’t most important.

In my dream,
I walk alone, and it’s
Cold,
Windy,
Harsh.
No voices but the wind’s.
The wind begs me to sit,
And I find a tree and sit
On its roots.
A bat flies out of the tree,
A black shadow against an even
Blacker sky,
A dark heart in a dark soul.
The last leaf in the forest stirs,
And then Winter arrives,
Cold,
Windy,
Harsh.
I try to hold our memory in my head,
Of when this forest was green,
And we were new and fresh,
Warm,
Still,
Kind.
In my dream, you appear
And I meet your eye.
But your memory is absent
Quicker than it came,
And I am left alone,
Cold,
Windy,
Harsh.

Don't forget the scratches that healed into nothing
He might not have scarred but he certainly clawed
Aimlessly and wild
At your heart
His intent set on never loving you right
That counts for something
So don't let him back in when he lies crying at your feet
Begging to be understood and pleading sorrow he doesn't feel
Bruises may lose color but never their ghost
So remember that because each hit after
Will hurt a tiny bit more than the one before

i remember that feeling i got when my eyes locked with yours '
the feel of my stomach filling with butterflies
that feeling that makes me feel all those at once

i remember that feeling
and i don't think i can ever forget