We are too scared
      to have
  what we are too scared
        to lose;
     We are too scared
           to love
        when we are too scared
              to choose.

With every step she took there was a little hesitation,
Since self-doubt and second guessing were at the base of her foundation.
Her eyes didn't wander in fear of who'd she meet,
So her gaze fixed upon the cracks in the concrete.
But would the world ever see her potential on display,
With her voice barely a whisper and her opinions locked away?

I'm blunt and outspoken,
But easily heartbroken.
So truthfully, it’s best to lie.
Or perhaps I  should say, “hide.”
It’s best to hide hesitance than to let it reside
In every day conversational tides—
Pushing and pulling erratically, yet expectedly
Like my tug-of-war thoughts
The ones that route me to rot
Like my wrought iron that rusts
Until the build up coerces me to combust
At the worst possible times.  
It’s best to delude that I’m fine,
Or should I allude it’s easier to whine
Online to anonymous shrines
Like this one?
It’s easier to remind myself
What’s “for the best.” “Each obstacle is a test.”
What I should do. What I shouldn’t.
What I’d give and what you wouldn’t, couldn’t and that I needn’t care.
“It’s best now to carry on,”
To claim I don’t want what I want and
That what I do want is wrong.

Is it wrong to pursue our desires?
Wasn't a forward girl required?
Or are we simply left reticent liars?
It's always the stagnancy of which I tire.

Like a child,
you're silly and soft,
giddy and gladsome.
Like a child -
ever-inquisitive -
you love to learn.
You find those you admire
and question, not docile,
yet sure of more.

No hesitation in your advances,
like those who have yet to learn
to be unsure of themselves.
Age so often removes from us
the ability to love without hesitation,
or even to love at all,

but not from you.

I would have judged you
In that moment.
Between breaths.
When the hesitation spoke for you,
I would have judged you,
But I choked on my bitter rebukes
And started to drown
In the aftermath of it all.
I would have judged you
If there had been no need to judge myself