It's pitiful
What needs we feel that cannot
Be answered to -
A distance must be kept
Just paces short of entanglement -

Flower behind glass panes,
I can only experience it by
The stretches of my vicarious imagination,
Never actually
Feeling its soft yellow petals
Warm from the sun - though, how could I know
It would be even that much?

I can sit nearby you, sharing thoughts
But arm's length apart is
All I could manage -

In the dark I can't see you, I can't
Fear your spines, I just
Hear your voice clearly, your
Sweet laughter -
What I'd give to share your warmth;
I only could by
Discarding my defenses, trusting
You will yours set down,
Meet me bare on the forest floor and
Find some other way to protect ourselves
Without the disparity -

I'd love to
Break glass panes with you
And laugh at how little it hurt
For what it was worth.

i won't have to
touch you, to
feel you.
peel back your
scalp, so i can
see the real you.

i could caress the answers right out of your mind
rob you blind
of your tattered old heart.
i could turn it into art.
make it better than before..
i could flourish you, grow you..
take heed of my words,
because you'll choke on yours.

underminding my ability
to have you weak in the knees,
won't help you walk.
you can barely talk.
your knees will still be weak,
i mean you studder when you speak
at least to me.

because you know your mind's at stake,
and if i want,
you'll be mine when it's late.
when the sun is underway
you'll be here
doing as i please, and what i say.

**that's why you hesitate.

Serenity my impractical refrain
What oceans I have seen could not contain you
Still from long ago
You sleep with sediment in caves of night
Aiding my excuse not to come rescue

While only you could rescue me
And iron out my body crumpled
To let us sleep with tidy sheets
Relived of grime and filth that has compiled upon my years
Believing I can live with out
A single decent peace of mind
Oppression now has swam up stream
And lurks between resembled shadows
Of the memories adhering only to your name

Oh serenity my impractical refrain
Through fault, from which I’ve been delivered
A bitter place I’ve built around my self
Know that amends are only spoken towards your name
Depleted, torn and strewn I simmer
Swept a ‘withered, for oppression now lies within

Arise a faint acknowledge towards me
If ever you wish to return
And I will tend my bed so rightly
For our sound sleep, together, healing burns

I wanna tell you,
But then I’d have to slay you,
Virtually and figuratively,
Unbeknownst of the lash-backs.

Words that are brewed,
Halt at the red-rimmed double door,
Floundering in a quicksand,
And desirous of a disgorge.

Everyone’s got a darkness,
That threatens contagion,
But not everyone’s fleeing
A grim spirit unaware.

It’s been a gamble,
Every resultant road in shambles,
An oscillatory labyrinth of pity:
For yourself and the Sinister gaiety.

A desecrated fortress prevails,
Ruins tossed over for salvage,
The sole surviving fragment treasured
For forging a forgiveness-future.

Indecisiveness**
            enough as it is,
I stay in the confines of my comfort,
choices I begun to prolong.
Waiting for something
probably won’t come.

I walk back and forth,
And climbing ladders  
             - up and down,
       an unchanging routine
    draining the life-force
         of my pretend smile.
Sluggishly the plot-holes
       starts to appear
   messing the careful laid-out script
                 I master to act.
Barriers starts to crack, little by little
I gather the courage
   to put the imaginary duck-tape
   to hold them together
       a little while longer
until the final choice, is made sure
without fear and hesitation.

Deep blue
like an ocean
They draw me in....
And as if I'm in the ocean,
I can't seem to get out.
Or really even want to
even when I know I need to.
And the thing about those beautiful bright blues,
Is the history.
So much happiness
And so much pain
lie in their wake.
And I can't see past the horizon line.
But I know
It's bright...
But I know
it's stormy....
And in this moment,
staring into the depth,
I can't decide if I will stay afloat
blissfully
Or if I will drown
into the unseen.

Could’ve would’ve should’ve…
Didn’t…wouldn’t…couldn’t…
Ultimately…will you, won’t you?

What do you want from me?
Do I frustrate you?  
What does that look, that gleam betray to you?
What do the thoughts that dance behind those eyes say of you?
Are they the same as mine, will they remain true?

And what if those thoughts they changed, would you tell me?
If they somehow get rearranged would you sell me?
Exchange me in your thoughts silently before I see,
another taking my place before I  take leave.

But you don't even tell me them now at the beginning.
No words from a mouth that is kissing.
No words from a mouth so no sinning?
So tell me who here is winning?

And all this goes through my mind as we're kissing
and none of it matters because I'm no longer missing
what it could have been like to be with you
because that which  could have been has become truth.

This one and one has become two
but as the individuals they undo
will you and will I remain too?
Will you and will I remain true?

When you look at me can you see what I'm thinking?
Can you see the moment of hesitation in my reply
When you look at me do you see the searing fear running through my veins
Do you notice the shake in my hands
When you look at me what do you really see?