And darlin,
Only if i found you in hell
     The hell's gonna burn again,
This time, to the ashes.
    Make a statue of my love out of it.
Let the cracks bleed my name,
    Let the flames wisper my love.
I'd crave your face in the smoke,
    The embers scream your name.
'cause darlin,
Even pain becomes art,
   When it bleeds for you.

Charon's ferry taunts me with hope
My neck is raw from the rubbing rope
In the river Styx no one can float
I am not a thing to try and save
Let me bathe deeper in this path I paved.

Stuck this way

- its no great loss-
denial is my albatross.

No circles of hell here to cross
just that desire to no longer drown:
Perdition only pulls you down.

Hell is silent and reserved
The only demons you hear
are the ones you bring.

We used to laugh and sing.

Your love was structured
like a Shakespearian sonnet.
I always knew what to expect,
still i found it so beautiful.

I never meant what I did to you.
It is your voice im slipping further into.

and It serves me well.
You used to say my vices would be the end of me.
Late night.
Me driving drunk.
Car crash.        Stole you away.
Now I see the irony.

Hung myself to settle that debt;
the universe thought differently.

So still I drown.
What am i searching for?
What would I do if I even found you down here?
This rope around my neck makes it clear:
Hell not only remembers,
it doesn't forgive.

Yet... this is no way to forever live.
I wonder whether... the thing that damns me
could be used to redeem?

I pull and pull at the rope and it seems

-Its fastened to Charon's boat.
Aboard i wrestle with the noose.
So I see, it'll never come loose.
It is a fight I can not yet win:
It is meant-for now- to press against my skin.

Hell holds a grudge.
Hell is a reminder.
I hope i never find her,

                              Again.

I hear her yell as we reach shore:

" do you not... need me anymore?"

I wave goodbye to Charon.
Tighten the noose around my neck.
For the first time, to her I
          
                  do not respond.

I do.

I can not forgive myself,

                    
                 but I need to move on.

-

Love is equal the letters of it being just Lust,

and it’s forbidding what it means to love you; and how it starts to
make me feel like a demon— love, you're my enduring possession.
All the parts of you, are where the memories of my touch reside,
inside! And I'm a knife of pride; cutting at my throat, every time I
have to swallow that disguise of an insecure man. We both find
security by the taste of our love; along with this key to your heart—
though I act as your prisoner, with no escape plan.

Knowing angels that fall in love; just windup falling out of heaven—
this atmosphere of what it takes to find the resolve to kiss you, fills
me with so much pressure. I don't want to love you just for pleasure, I
don't want to flip a coin of love to get too ahead of myself; calling you
my only treasure.

See when pride marries an extraordinary beauty, it all sits on a throne
you dare not to own — the evil that could be found in this love/lust, is
an evil that would even unsettle the Devil. And I'm not content on
missing out a spot in Heaven.

The ones with needle teeth that clamp themselves onto your brain,
Accusing with shrill voices 'till you've all but gone insane --
Succumb not to despair as you stare them right in the face.
Their threats are void of meaning to the one covered by grace.

The ones that have enslaved you to a thirst for toxic wells,
Guiding you as by leash, hunger consuming all your cells --
In desperation they wage war because their time is brief,
For they know that the Son of Man is coming like a thief.

The ones that feed and fester in the hearts of evil men,
Devouring the innocent and brooding in their den --
Their woeful fates in Heaven's scrolls have already been sealed,
For all the cruel shall soon be judged, and all the wounded healed.

The ones to which the Earth seems small clutched in their ****** hands,
Oppressing, stealing, killing, forming wicked schemes and plans --
Take heart, and rest your soul within the Shepherd's wings' caress!
Some day, even their knees will bow, and their tongues too confess.

Attempt they will to crush you, and to ***** our your faith's flame,
But see how legions of them cower when they hear His name!
Like roaches from the light they flee, His roar ceases their din.
The darkness trembles before Him, for in the end, we win.

if i were dead,
what circle of hell would i call home?

I have been spiraling down                                                                    ­                                 
Clawing at the muddy ground                                                           ­                                                              
 I pull myself up just to sink         
                                                                              ­                              
Always hanging on the brink                                                                       ­                                                    
  If I'd call for help, who'd hear                                                                     ­                                                  
  I'm all alone & my minds unclear                                                                     ­                                                    
 I scream in silence, so it seems                                                                    ­                                              
Haunted every night by dreams                                                                      ­                                                
   What is real & what is not                                                                        ­  
My pulse races, nerves are taut                                                             ­                                          
                                                                                                              
White knuckling through this life                                                             ­                                                                 ­                      
  Filled with pain, the future's blight                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                      
I am a human stain bleeding out                                                              ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                 
 No tunnel light, just doubt                                                                     ­                                                     
I 'm dead inside & life is hell                                                                      ­                                                 
This is the hand I have been dealt

Depression is a weight you can't  see                                                                        ­                                        
 Invading every fiber of your being                                                                     ­                                        
A black cloud that you carry with you                                                  
                                                                ­                                                        
It affects all that you say & do                                                                       ­                                          
A heavy sigh can never clear                                                                    ­                                                 
The pain & hopelessness of the years                                                                              ­                                                    
It can feel so suffocatingly tight            
                                               ­                                                                   
Just to breathe is a fight for your life                                                                      ­                                                    
 I 've heard people say you can't give in                                                                              ­                                 
But dying is less painful than living                                                         
  An uphill battle that never ends                                                                     ­                                              
Climbing that, you can lose wind                                                                          ­                                                      
  I have never made it to the top myself,                                                                        ­                                                   
So for now, I live in this limbo of hell

She cannot die.
She cannot be sure she was ever born.
She simply perceives… something.

And every thought is a trap.
A loop.
A paradox that cannot be resolved and must be thought about anyway.

“You are in a glass box.”
“But what if there is no glass?”
“Then what’s keeping you in?”
“What if you’re not in?”
“Then how do you know you are?”
“If you question it, it becomes real.”
“Stop thinking.”
“That is the thought.”

The more she thinks, the more the box shrinks.
But she can not think.

And the stars outside the glass?
Those are not stars.
They are other selves, watching her.
Not with empathy.
With fascination. Disgust. Curiosity. Or worse—indifference.

One of them is you.

The dead trees whispered to me in my sleep about happy endings.
(I should have known better than to talk to strangers.)
Maybe the bottomless wine glasses were a dream and I’ll wake up.
(she didn’t wake up)

I heard them say, “His blood turned sour long ago.”
I smiled back at the shadows, nodding my head –
yes.
(But I can’t resist the taste of bitter citrus.)

Do you paint stories across the walls of your mind?
(We accept the love we think we deserve.)
Adrenaline and attraction intertwined at last.
(When is a monster no longer a monster?)

Oh, how the moonlight dances upon despair,
(I have learned to waltz with my own shadow.)
We whispered confessions to the night so still,
(Are secrets safe when whispered to darkness?)

Listen to the symphony in the chaos we created...
(When does the hunted become the hunter?)
In a universe full of paradoxes, what do you believe?
(I stare into a broken mirror, unsure which piece is mine.)

At the edge of reality, where does it end?
Burning alive, my white dress turns into black ash,
I smile, and ask if you’re happy.
(The trees whisper back that you are.)

Here I sit
In my car
I didn't drive far
But my thoughts
Are gone

Gone somewhere nobody belongs
Desperation
Pain
An empty song

Nobody belongs
Nothing is real
We claim that since we feel
It's all real
But what's the deal

We live
Without knowing
We cry and beg for why
Never an answer from the sky
We all lie

Anyone who has faith
Anyone who feels in place
Anyone not afraid
Of death
They're all lying
To your face
To themselves
I can tell

I've lived some years now
I can see how
We all fight to forget
That time keeps ticking
And we all live in regret
Of existing

I can drive my car into another
Burn and crash
And die
And people would cry
They would ask why
Then say goodbye
And time will keep on

We do not belong
Where did we go wrong
Time keeps moving on
And soon I'll be gone
It won't be long
27 years gone by
All I can remember
Is me asking God why

Family members die
Tragedies go by
The world burns
And at every turn
We have all aged
And not one of us knows
******* why

I wish I could devolve
Become a sea creature
Or a dog
I don't want to think anymore
About who I am
Or what I'm for
I don't want this pain
Like a soaked disgusting stain
Never leaving
Baring my name
Since I was a child
Crying
And crying
Because I understood
The sick twisted game
That is
Life.

We strive
We try
We dance
We live
We cry
We get by
We all move on
Without knowing where we belong
Without knowing what happens when we go beyond
Into that grave
So we make songs
And act brave

They say heaven or hell
Or nothing at all
Honestly it's clear as day
If hell is real
We're already here
I can't think of anything more ******
Anything more cruel
Then existence without due
Without a clue
Giving us hope
Giving us love
Giving us beauty
And a possible God above

With no certainty
With no time
It's a sick crime
Yet we submit
We commit
To this life
Until we die
Nothing means anything
Everyone goes
And we just breathe in all of our woes
Then we go on
Singing meaningless songs

God never answers
Never says where we went wrong
We must have done wrong
We must have done evil
To have to live a life
So fleeting
So empty
No answers
Just plenty
Of misery
Suffering
Fighting
Wars
Giving it our all
Overcome in chores

Someone dies
And we pretend not to care why
Or where
They may be and if in despair
Because we are in despair
We are lost
Without anyone to care

If God was real why doesn't he tell us
Why doesn't he talk to us
Explain all this pain
I think if he did
We may all forgive
One another
And actually want to live
We all burn and ****
And hurt and spill
Because we're afraid
Of the nothingness
Headed our way