That kind of longing you learn once you miss.
Goes by a name only a heart knows how to pronounce,
and doesn’t hesitate to call when you care to listen,
so it absorbs as it unfolds yours every ounce.

Of all the things, it’s absence that can’t be overcome,
a void of crushing torment you have to sustain
alongside hope that one day it will leave.
But that’s like hoping for a night of clear skies
that guides your way home in the middle of the storm.
You might as well sink. As there’s no burden
heavier than the love you can’t give.

Stoic pines are uprooting,
Careless rage
of an indifferent wind.
And when the nerves are exposed
It dies in spent shudder, to our stupefied awe and vulnerable repose.

in a world of blue and purple, I bled for the shade of red
in a world of blue and purple, I made everything black
what I touch dies, and my love always lacks
amber was the fire of your heart, and gray was my vision
hurt was what I inflicted in it, I learned from the bests so I had precision
your fire burned out when my lies kicked in
my vision cleared only when your eyes died within
pale was the color of my skin but warmer with your kiss
rose were my lips but cold my half truths, I brought shame into this
drinks in the glasses, but everything else was spilled
flowers bloomed, and flowers were killed
spring was the dawn, but I made leaves fall down

spring was the dawn, but fall was the season
I was the reason I was the reason
frost was the color, and what came after the storm
cold was the outside, but your hands used to make it warm

mauve was the world before I even drowned in my crimson blood sea
teal was my heart just like the skies before I made your sun sink

in a world of blue and purple, you made everything heal
in a world of blue and purple, you bled for my sake
your touch nourished, while all I did caused heartache
you made it four seasons while I was stuck in one
fall was the season, but spring was the dawn
lilac was the sunset before indigo bled into the day
night was moonless, and stars kept fading away
scarlet was the fire I set in your heart
ashes, what was left, and smokes clouded a new start
tears flowed in, and salt streams burned all the roots
died all the emerald lands, we had to call truce
spring was the dawn, rain pouring down

spring was the dawn, but fall the season
I was the reason I was the reason
drought was what came after the sapphire seas dried
cracked were my lips, after your ruby flames died

violet was the world before I even drained myself of my carmine blood
teal was my heart just like the seas that used to flood.

In wellie boots
I wade through the years.
Tears of denial seep through
and splash into the top of these wellie boots
dragging me down
one by one.

Sticky in your grasp
I cling
wishing that mud could turn to stone.
trudging through the realization
that it never was
and never would be.

With each step these wellies
begin to separate.
They fall off and sink.
They’ve drowned.
I’ve waded into quicksand.

I laugh at the belief that these wellies
would be enough protection
from a much larger situation.
I’m laughing as I am slowly sinking
at least I’m not drowning unaware
that you would watch me suffocating.

Tears meet the years old tears dried at my feet
delusion meets grief.
Now at shoulder depth
I am laughing.
As I prepare to take my last breath
I am laughing.

I get pulled out while still laughing.
By someone who isn’t you.
and I see my wellie boots in the distance
dead and floating.

Now I jump in relief. Barefoot.