Was it me, or what made me think
That we were only supposed to be having a quick drink?
We were just popping in for a pint or two
But it seems it got out of hand, as these things do

If I had known things were going to go so far
There is absolutely no way I would have brought the car
But despite all my efforts to get on my way
There was always someone who begged me to stay

After that pint, I think the sixth one
I really began to join in the fun
really relaxing, somehow forgetting to worry
Sure weren’t they right? What was my hurry?

After a while; I really do not have a clue
I simply cannot remember what I did not do
I vaguely remember going out for some grub
And from the stamp on my hand I know I went to a club

But how did this auld one get into my bed?
What are these flowers doing round my head?
Where is God’s name did I get this garden gnome?
In fact how in the hell did I ever get home?

She seemed so annoyed I could not remember her name
storming off saying that all men were just the same
saying I was a different man than I was the night before
Check yourself in the mirror love, on your way out the door

Last night I had guessed she was about thirty three
But this morning she looked more like a pensioner to me
She was smaller and stouter, seemed to have lost half her hair
And so much paler Lord, how did I even think of going there?

Then she did her make up, hair extensions and false tan
False nails and eyelashes, the difference! Oh man!
I was astounded by the difference a corset and super bra makes
with her high heels on she was a foot taller for God sakes

She came down looking half her age, really quite the ride
seeing her made up like that at least restored some of my pride
But it did not change the fact she was old enough to be my mother
I must learn to be more discerning, one way or another !

Well thank God she eventually got on her way
the lads will **** me about this forever and a day
what I need is a cure, to chill out and relax
But unfortunately I am haunted by numerous flashbacks

I can remember feeling absolutely wonderful
thinking there was not a woman I could not pull
being convinced I was God’s gift to womankind
a sure sign I was completely out of my mind

I know I tried to chat up every woman in the place
Used my best pick up lines, though many laughed in my face
If they had a pulse it seems they were fair game
I tried young beauts and old boots, yes, I had no shame

I can see myself dancing, getting down to the beats
remarkable as I know I am blessed with two left feet
I can remember singing, were we at a Karaoke?
It is all coming back now, with horrifying clarity

I know I was refused entry to a number of places
My friends dragging me off bouncers when I got in their faces
their efforts rewarded by becoming targets for my rage
yet they still helped when I was violently sick at one stage

Oh God yes I was almost arrested at one time
I did not know peeing in public was an actual crime
I know I laughed at the copper, gave him some abuse
But when I saw the handcuffs my apologies were profuse

I can remember my friends becoming ever more frustrated
As I became louder and louder, increasingly opinionated
And yes the fire brigade were here, that was not a dream
I tried to cook when I got home, a “Full Irish” it would seem!

I have receipts for double vodkas with red bull
And Jagermeisters as well, things must have got dull
I spent a small fortune, my generosity obviously abounding
now my stomach is heaving, my head absolutely pounding

Have I any friends left? I must ring and see
And my car was towed, that is going to cost me
Oh dear God I feel sick, I am in so much pain
I know I say it every week but; I’m never drinking again!

pile of blankets--vaguely human shaped bed lump
white curtains, snake skin bundle
crepuscular lit window opposed wall
cranky cellphone sounds
slither-hand. blind pat.
that old song and dance.
11:17 am
self medicated coma
consciousness  comes too soon
post alcohol lubricated dry throat
dryer tumbled bones
dehydrated nectarine shrunken head ache
body floats to surface
ice on road out of control alligator death spinning head
body floating too fast car crash at bed foot
hand eye coordinates aim for dresser
slow foot movement high speed camera precision-every frame counts
reflective closet door shows thick skull and hollow skin, too translucent for comfort. blue veins battling to breathe
squemish rattling breath shuts up
let the stomach talk.
blurted burps stomach acid cacaphony
rorshach stained carpet matches drapes
depression is a thick milkshake

NEW DAY—
   wake up.
Put your head in order.
Do not trust the inspiration just
go with it. Because
when it strikes it strikes hard and fast and
it ends with both sides panting— put your head in order.
   It's a good thing waking up early.
Shower off, then immediately after—
two cups of coffee. And a cigarette.
I hold my vices in a cup.
   Relapse into delirium; it's O.K.
—Quickly out the window to first
breathe in new day.
Snag the morning paper as an errand; locate self on this
wide spinning orb.
Locate self in the Material, then
locate your Center.
I have a CENTER.
All good feelings from the CENTER.
Bleed me. —Get my head together.
   Back inside to fireplace, and piles
upon piles
upon piles of
needless words, works and extra copies,
all to be delivered unto warmth—my fire.
Put the book down.
Do not obsess over self-image, or
Self involving propoganda.
   Accept the imminent dissatisfaction— I mean
really Accept that.
One more smoke,
****** thoughts—    Keep your head in order.

Get to know what wears you and describe it eloquently.
Lose all track of time just walking.
Walk more often.
Love your footsteps, each and every ******* one.
REMEMBER:
   Timing is a virtue.

That's the thing about drinking,
it makes you forget.

Forget mistakes,
regret,
pain,
sadness,
people you hate,
people,
people you love,
happiness,
comfort,
what matters,
...who matters.

And all that's left is the hangover.

'twas tasty.
Different nomnom piled up grins
A hip of spicy sauce
Oh how I munched on it

'twas not tasty
Tummy feels weird sick
It wasn't supposed to be
Now I feel sick

'twas supposed to be tasty
Deep cravings with too much satisfaction
Alas I've learnt my lesson weird
I'll suffer this ache all by myself

Stale crackers and
Quivering cigarettes
Held in a hesitant hand
And lonesome lips.
Nothing tastes more of regret
Than the spit on your chin
On your way back
From the bathroom,
Twenty minutes after your knees
Have finished holding down the floor
While the cold wrinkled faces
Of your feet turn up towards
The dull buzzing of the fan.

Your vision is blurred
By the tainted tears
That squeeze out
When the hand over your mouth
Just isn't enough to cover
the cost
Of last nights tab
And the penalty you avoided
By taking a cab back to
Your flat for a short nap
Before your six am shift.

But eleven hours later
And the ding of the elevator outside your door
Jolts you awake-
Seven missed calls mark your mistake
And there's a feeling you can't shake
That this is terribly wrong.

Turn over again
Running miles, still in bed.
You've spent too long
Marinating in your poor decisions
And night after night
You succumb to your vices.
You will make no progress
If you cannot be contrite.
You aren't
Alright.

C.e.M. 3.28.15

Second day with out you;
I made sure
I got myself incoherent.
I am now experiencing
my first real hangover
as i deal with
day three.

The warm cocoon breaks,

Spilling a tired body onto the floor.

Panicked, I hurtle to the door.

I kneel before my God

And spill my prayer of meat

On feet, body, crown and seat.

Clutching my saviour,

I draw a ragged breath,

Pleading, demanding for death.

The storm abates its tired refrain.

I rest my head against the wall.

I'm sure I swear "never again",

And back to sleep I fall.

A ***** dull and grey
bored into cheap floorboards
the plastic around the bath
shattered
limescaled shower
trying to excrete
discreetly
hungover hot ears and cheeks
heart loping away
among laboured breaths
God Jesus ****...
Robbed happiness
cheers in the pub;
Here's looking at you, kid.