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cyrene Aug 9
half a moon, half a heart.

something so ordinary missing a piece, gradually losing itself.
a lifeline that connects a heart to stone - pointless, lifeless.

once broken, considered sold,
once gone, considered forgotten.
losing someone is the hardest thing to endure. It's like losing half of a string that is supposed to hold together life.
alessandra Jul 6
cuff my lips like the bile
you keep biting your tongue around

wrap up my limbs, painted pink
squeezing out the dissonance
and defiance,

the lengths you scrape my skin
sting like last week's argument
my throat's too wound to tell you
the soft you won't touch

drenched and tripping over again for every man
who's set me on fire to keep his idea of my form alive
the sear of distaste like apathy

the bones of those who suffocated me with their suffering
don't fit inside this body anymore
i am bursting, every seam a corner to turn
sunlit, anxious, promising

watch me rewrite this flesh
like a salve

watch me reclaim this life
like salvation
I sent you a message last morning,
still waiting on your usual reply...
But I'm strucked with the dreaded news,
your confidant...your friend, SHE DIED.
Ofcourse someone must have lied
because you told me you'd be OK...

So, how is it even possible?
How can this news be real?
Left in utter shock...
I'm fighting to breathe again,
but my airway just seems blocked.
Breathing has never felt this difficult.

I keep hearing it will be ok...
But OK would only be believable if you were allowed to stay
And you weren't...
Evil triumphs now in such an unjust way
What have you ever done to anyone but be Sacrificial, Understanding, Sincere, Absolving and Nonjudgemental
Yet, that never seemed enough- DID IT!
We all stood and watch you take the fall.
And Evil was only too happy, he took it all...

Now, here I sit...waiting for my heart to beat its normal pace
But that seems almost impossible FOR...
Yours has stopped beating
And I've lost the comfort of your smiling face
Your warm and affectionate embrace
Your encouraging words despite your fears
Your caring hands to dry my tears

I'm still waiting to hear your child-like voice
"ah girl!" "Hanging in there."
Still waiting to see you typing...
"Gm dearie🤗..."
"God is all we need in this world"
"No matter how things seem, God is in control"
I'm still awaiting on our next church date
I know I'll see you in eternity, but until then...

I'm still here... I'm still waiting to BREATHE...

                 For Susan who left me BREATHLESS
I wrote this poem after learning that my friend had died. I was just in complete disbelief at the time, think I still am by the way. I didnt feel like talking to anyone at the time, so I allowed my pen to do the talking. It could be about thirty (30) minutes to ink the words. Over all, this poem means a lot to me...
Berry Blue Jul 3
since his passing, I feel nothing
life seems like it’s for nothing
so I started to flirt with Death
like: “psstt, I’m here waiting for you”

shutting my surroundings

I feel so alone in it all
my future is gone
my love is gone
my best friend is gone
my baby is gone
my everything is gone

I’m slipping away ever second
wishing for him back
.I’m alone.

I can taste death calling my name every second
It’s very soothing
I want to answer...
Maybe I get to see him...
I miss you. Life is so empty without you.
Berry Blue Jul 1
baby I really need to feel your hue
at least in my dreams
I have been feeling heavy since your birthday
drained - weary - weak - weepy
.so alone that I can taste the void inside me.
thought friends of yours be a help but they injected a deeper void within my soul
a reminder they aren’t you
no one can ever be the way you were
wish you were here to hold me
wish you were here to adore me
wish you were here to love me
wish you were here to care for me
.visit me.please.come back to me.
living without you everyday is another stab right into my heart everyday
.the wound is getting wider and stronger.

.come back.
I so need you by my side. This road is so lonely without you.
Berry Blue Jun 8
one day we will meet again
your smile will shine then
upon my soul greeting me
I’ll have to believe in again
I’ll have to believe in again
         or else
my heart will sink
I really hope to meet you again. My heart isn’t ready for this pain.
I know you don’t believe in God
You’re way too smart for that
But wherever you lay now
Please hear me now I have
Accepted what has happened
That we cannot travel back
Please forgive me for my selfishness
And the kindness that I lacked.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

The last time we spoke
I wasn’t really listening to you
I nodded and acknowledged you
And in retrospect
you knew.

My ears were drifting
Away to others
Chatting down the line
But you played along and understood
It was natural for my mind.
Wise beyond your years
You pretended you were blind
Another time we’d talk
And it would all be fine.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

Nothing churns me more inside
To know that you are gone
Hand picked to leave this beat-up world
And leave behind us cons.
If I could travel back to that
old table in the sun
I’d listen to your truths
Watch your lips and teeth and tongue.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

You held such wisdom in your past
In your future you knew more
I’d kick the God that wrongly ripped
Your music from life’s score.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.
Written March 12, 2019
Happy Birthday, Daddy 💙
You always said on your birthday to look at the sky. If it was blue and the sun was shining, it meant that it wasn't going to snow and we were finally going to have spring. If it was otherwise, it would snow again before spring finally came. It always held true. Just like you always held true. Today we had bright blue skies and I know you might of had something to do with that. It'll be a year next month, since you've been gone. It doesn't feel like it. It still doesn't feel real. I feel like I can just call you and hear your sweet voice and laugh, but everytime I turn to do it, I remember. Nothing can prepare you for losing a parent. Nothing can prepare you for the time it takes for that hole to heal. I don't think that that hole ever will, because I was your babygirl. And I was a daddy's girl from the get go. Between fishing, to riding in the truck, to listening to nickelback so much I burnt you out on it, to just enjoying nature, listening to your jokes and stories (even if you had already told them before), going to you when I needed you most, helping you when you needed someone, just everything. And it hurts so much, it gets so hard sometimes. But I stay calm and work through it as best as I can because I know you are beside me through it all. I just wish I could talk to you again, see you again. I miss you so much. I love you. Happy birthday. 💙
Something I wrote my dads first birthday in heaven
Monday April 23, 2018

Today, God has taken someone very dear to me. He has made my father one of his many angels.

I never thought you would have gone this soon. It was weird..I was in class...didn't even know that you had already passed and yet, while people were giving their presentations, all i could think about was you. I started to write a letter to God. All I could write about was, why you. Why such a wonderful man? Why my rock, my foundation, the glue to our family? Why God had to take you? I knew you were suffering, I knew you had a hard life. But I also knew, you put us first. You cared for us until you couldn't any longer. You loved us, no matter our doings. I lost Nanna, your mother, three years ago. The docotrs gave you a year last January, but I didn't take it literal. I couldn't see you dying. I couldn't see the day that I wouldn't hear your laugh anymore, that I wouldn't feel your bear hug or hear your voice anymore. That I wouldn't hear the countless jokes and stories that you told over and over because you couldn't remember that you've already told them. I never thought that would come a day so soon. I never thought that that day would be today. I talked to you on the phone, asked you how you were, told you I loved you. I didn't think that that would be the last time that I would talk to you. That I would say those words to you. But alas, God had other plans for you. I know you aren't suffering anymore. I know you are happy and that you are with your mom, dad, grandma and grandpa. I just wish I could have been there to hug you one last time. To hear your laugh one last time. I love you and I'm going to miss the hell out of you. I still can't believe that your gone.

I wish I could have heard you say that you were proud of me one last time. But I know that you are. I'm not sure how to process this. It's going to be hard. But I'll be okay. Because I have you and everyone else guiding me.

I love you daddy. And I'm not sure what I will do without you. But I know that I will continue to make you proud.
Something I wrote the day my dad died
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