A holy pilgrim downtrodden
I once saw the face
A goal clear, a path to take
No fear
No hope of fame

But never felt better

Now
Every single breath i take is leaving me sedated
I know just what home i'm looking for
And i know just how to make it
Mix up life, ****** up this time
But living isn't going to save it

Out of hate, white hot embrace
There's something here to entertain me
Finding time to reconcile
Dripping good will through an iv
A passive medication to alleviate the vile

New crime wave
Time to turn around
Its far too late
To take the fathers crown
A symbol of atrophy
Status reanimate in head space
Living through the air waves

God knows that its far too late

Decrepit in the negative
And that's the way you'll find me
Dead inside or otherwise
Becoming like a zombie
Staring at a color or
Listen for a note
To hit upon a heart-string
Played out, made up like an over coat

We live between the times
The time is stated
Above the waking world
Come guess what thread i'll next unwind
Hanging in the vacuum of a fragile state of mind

I am lonely
Yeah

It's fine.

Dearest shooting star,
Take me away with you to a place
where the rays of hope can't even tip toe through the dark clouds of despair,
where all the colors fade into grey to ally with my grave soul and
where every detail disappears into the shades of night
just to make his wish come true.

Shoot me, You might as well, cause I'm a threat
A threat to your system, a threat to your net
profit and status quo, so pick up that gun shoot me and pray to the ground I go, and when you bury me you better call me a madman and pray that the martyrs don't grow

You may as well shoot me Mr.Police officer,
It may put your employers at ease
One bless black man with a heart of power
One less antibiotic to your disease
Don't forget to tell me I'm resisting, don't forget to tase me til I fall
Don't forget to choke me so those listening won't hear my struggles, my calls
Don't forget to have the media depict me as a ****, and a criminal and a menace to society
Don't forget to  reprimand and berate me
Remind  your older white listeners that my kind, my skin color
is still not considered American Propriety
But more like American property, disposable goods

So **** me, the cameras are recording but don't worry you'll get off free
Might be just a conviction but your *****'s new henchmen and ***** still got the key
A couple months paid administrative leave so you can sit on a beach, drink some ice tea
Mad that you can no longer put chains on our wrists so you put handcuffs instead
No longer pulling whips across our backs so you bury hot burning lead
No longer working your fields for all to see but instead privatized free prison labor with your warden holding the key.

Martin told me when he us that he had a dream
I got his same DNA in my bloodstream
And in every cell in my body I feel the effect, I teem
I boil I scream, when I see a black mother or father gunned down by police men and the children witnessing the death, the blood, the stream.....

I scheme, and when I sleep, I dream
And when I dream it's bad news for you
to avenge those we lost by crimes, undue
To put a stop to all of you.

how vigorously you tear me apart, how sweetly you mold me back together. you don’t see me as i wish you would. i imagine you feel the same. i feel as if you always look at me from a distance. i am so small compared to the rest of the universe. i question whether i will ever be good enough. i once dreamt of a night spent alone in your room, enveloped in each other, absorbing all that we can of each other. i look up and hope you’re staring back but i just see the back of your head. the sky was grey that night.

suddenly aware of an ascending sense of depression
mostly unaware of my instinctive feelings and aggression.
my mind is running laps around the empty hole inside my chest
and i am just exhausted, my energy is constantly suppressed.
uncomfortably trapped inside my bed, just trying to arise
an aching sense of actuality, my brain can fantasize.
the throbbing pain of all my joints conjoin my body to my mind
regretting all of the troubled thoughts i thought i left behind.
proactively trying to occupy less space
staring in the mirror not recognizing my own face.
it's safe to say i'm lonely here, drowning in grey
but who is kidding, if you were here i'd probably just push you away.

I find refuge in pure darkness of an abyss
Or drenching sunlight that comes down in spills
I don't know what it means to hide in the covers of shadows
Or reflections like a saving grace in the dark
Grey has never been in a word under my sun;
I have always been too much
or too little
For the broad shoulders of others to bear

Outside, sky, begins to decay,
Everchanging life, shades of grey,
Inside, heart, begins to break,
Another shade comes to wake.

Murky clouds on this mourning day,
A darkened world, blue far away,
Tears lurk behind closed brown eyes,
Shades of grey in hidden lies.

Trees stand, silent and alone,
Keeping secrets they have grown,
A smile stays close, fighting pain,
Happiness is what ill feign.

Outside sky fractures with light,
Fighting against the steady night,
Ill stay strong, come what may,
Despite these endless shades of grey.

you are a man of many colors;
i am a woman of none.

you shine bright;
i am dull hue.

you blend in with the sun;
i fade into the background.

i float down the river
to the other seemingly grey
bodies of despair.

you stay on land,
grouping with other rays of light
and you all share stories of good times --
which are those times you aren't with us.

we cannot blame you.
we hardly even like each other.

we're as different as night and day,
black and white;
hot and cold.

i just wish our differences
could have kept us at peace,
instead of stripping us down
until we were cracked
and shattered bones
trying to find the glue
that held us together
in the first place.