Deleting my feelings

Is it... Irony?
My life is language
and I have no words for you.

Erasing each little quip
before it reaches my lip
only echoes

A thousand lines for you.

The precedent muse,
and you won't see them
even if written
you won't see them
deleted.

I feel defeated

By myself and my hands
by my words
with which the short line spans

I feel deleted

Concieted

As if it's my defeat to posess.
As if the story is in reference to me.

But it was ours
and now it's not.

You won't see it.
The words won't rhyme,
because it's not our song anymore.

It's a memory
Fading into the background
Frequencies slowly dying out
against the scenery
as our ears get too old to hear them.

We'll remember differently every time
we think of it again.
Until it's different again.
Over and over,
until the echoes are a whole new chorus.

A different memory.
And the spark will be dead again.
In another new way.

I'll always be sorry.
Then I'll remember it
and type it, and delete it.

And we'll forget it, but we won't.
We'll hear the echoes
and won't have the words.

Deleted.

Heaviest armor
Made of steel
I was a farmer
Of what I thought was real
Sometimes
The war wounds don’t heal the same…

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!

This is war!

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…

Plowing through
The days gone by
Hiding out
I dream of you
In the minutes I try

Up again
They’re battle torn
Slain by my sword
Horror is born

This is war!

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!

This is war!

Calling out
Friend gone down
Filled with doubt
I go around
I hold them close…
I hold them close…

They look to me
Tears in their eyes
Gripping my hand
I hold it tight
“Please,”
I scream,
“Don’t go to the light!”
I hold them close…

Pounding heart
Sinks in
Lose their grip…
They’ve gone…
Tears in my eyes
I stand tall
Cradle them in my arms
And I scream;
“THIS IS WAR!!!”

Lay them down
I bow my head
Close their eyes
Shelter them…
Then I run

This is war!

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!
No more!

Rage coursing through my veins
It takes control
I mount again, take the reins
Flames in my soul
There’s no way
I’m going down!

This is war…
This is war!

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…
They fell around me
I thought I won
But then, it was he
Who struck me down
Drove it through
My armor…
It wasn’t strong at all…

And I fell
And I fell
And I fell…

On the field
There I lay
Sword and shield
Thrown astray
And I…
Was so naive…
As the light faded from view…
All I thought of…
Was you.

- Jay M
September 19th, 2019