Watching life unfold,
My life.
Powerless to change the way I am,
Unable to control the way my life goes,
No control on this ride through the years.

My life feels like a movie,
The sets made up,
The actors with lines remembered,
The events set to unfold despite me.

I spend the day thinking,
"Don't do that"
"Why are you doing that"

But I cannot stop myself from taking these actions.

I'm utterly without control,
A spectator in my own life,
A watcher from inside my body.
It's a strange feeling and I wish I could change it

Where am I going?
Is it somewhere I've been?
Will I know when I get there?
Or am I at the end?

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

I want to die together when the time has come in due
for I have come to notice every piece of me in you
we've always been a team and fought the battles as they came
we've weathered every storm and washed our sorrows in the rain
you let me be your future and I let you shed your past
we dignified each other, may these glories breathe their last
the more I am suspended all the more I am assured
this life is something sacred when I understand rebirth
I may have been your child once but grew to be your friend
and in my latter years I made a choice: until the end
three inches never mattered, I could never let you go
my faith is like your name, together we are going home

I clearly remember your touch against my skin
From the goosebumps, to the very hair on my ******* standing
I wanted to run away but that only happened in my head

Two years later, I am constantly reminded with this engraved
You're happy in a two year long relationship
As I type this, my hair stands and I want to puke again

I never wanted to feel trapped and obliged
Ever since then, my hair never grew longer than to touch my shoulders
My skin was the only thing I could not change

But I tried
To lift as much skin off from my body to rid of what was left of you
To lift the memories, to make myself clean again
Till now, the hair on my arms remain, I am forever afraid

I will never settle for less.
and less means everyone but you.
And you see, that's a problem

Because I know that we're not meant to be.
you helped me finding out who I was,
you guided me trough the darkness
And that should be enough

But I can't help to wonder
What would've happened
if we met a little later
After I found my way to the light

Would you've cared for this new me?
or did you only take advantage of the weakness you saw in my eyes, my body

I know I love you
And I know somewhere deep in that cold heart of yours
You must've loved me too

the words that flow from my soul

to my veins and out through my fingertips,

to most are obstructed by either confusion, misunderstanding

or whatever other baggage they carry that won't let my abstract thoughts

penetrate their unfortunate heavy epicenter.



never have my expressions been powerful enough to break them,

i met you, spent half a day with you, and you left,

that was it, gone, just like that,

1,000's of miles away.



but however, whatever ill-fated scenario that was,

we speak to each others soul, lover we don't even have the same native tongue,

yet you understand my core better than any other that has ever entered my leading light.



i'm taken back to a child-like state,

i feel scared, forlorn.

i'm afraid just like an absent father,

you will provide me with certainty that it will happen.



sweetheart, i hate to break this to you but,

age doesn't pause for life, love or the desire to pursue you

as scary as it may be, if what is spoken to me is true

that dive, as deep, as dark as it may be, know i am writing to you from the depths.

i vow, i won't let you drown. please, babe, dive in,  

my skin is only withering without you.



love & art, 1991

henk holveck

It's the big cities that fascinate me
But then ruins are the sights to see
The dark lit corners
With broken shards of mourners
Loud car horns
Who bite at your feet with thorns
Bursting with their party voices
Made of rich history and choices
Small talk on the engines
Stories poking you like pins
Of running traffic lights
With power at the peak of heights
Something like a aurora borealis
They speak of this
A city of lights and wonders
Shaking from the roar of thunder
Twinkling like stars on the ground
The whispers can be heard from the ashes that lay around.