on a night like tonight
wide awake with a racing heart
at an hour when no one's awake
and on a night that's too cloudy
to see any stars in the sky,
i wish i were swimming in the ocean
surrounded with nothing by fish and
for a minute we can pretend there's nothing harmful and
when i look up i can see not only stars but galaxies and
i realize that i don't want to be trapped in ocean and
what i really want is to be thousands of miles away
in deep space where no one can hear me scream.

when i say that i want to **** myself it's not that i want to die
it's just that i don't want to coexist on this earth with humans who
don't care about anyone but themselves
and will hurt and hurt and hurt
to get themselves farther in this game we call life
go to school to get a job to support your family
eat, sleep, wake up, it's called a "routine"
and it's a normal part of life.

it doesn't matter where you go
it doesn't matter what language you speak
it doesn't matter what type of car you have
it doesn't matter how many bedrooms are in your house
it doesn't matter how many men or women you've slept with
it doesn't matter who you hurt or who you save
it doesn't matter who you lie to
it doesn't matter who you ****,
it all ends in death.

there's got to be more than this
"make a name for yourself, do something great with your life,
don't waste it, you have so much potential."
but how are you supposed to not waste your life
when you're destined to be the same as everyone else?

in outer space,
i am not the same
as the galaxies or the comets or the planets
i am not a product of society and i am not judged
i am who i am and not who you want me to be
among the stars, i can be nothing and
with the anti-gravity, i can float
i don't have to shut my eyes
to see the stars
in outer space.

when i looked into those marvellous, brown eyes
i didn't see that shade of glittering brown;
i saw millions of tiny galaxies
and maybe that's why i adored you so much,
i saw the universe in your eyes

i don't remember what it's like to be
fifteen or fourteen or thirteen or twelve;
i don't remember what it's like to be petals,
stomped upon, sometimes i don't remember
what it's like to exist before today,
anything other than otherworldly.

i started thinking in terms of galaxies and
solar systems where there should be dirt and
rain and i've tried to keep grounded with a
garden and with flowers but they all died; i
wasn't made for this.

there's probably a little bit of earthly me
waiting to be unlocked but i've lost(swallowed)
the keys and there's probably a little bit of
supernova me waiting to be unlocked but the
keys are on the top shelf (i am very short).
there is a whole lot of in-between me just hanging
around and i don't know how i feel about that.

she told me the world would be darker without me
but i have never been a star. i have always been
a planet. a comet. dust. maybe she is a dreamer,
maybe she is seeing something i cannot. i guess
all stars started out as something else.