satisfying my
****** desires,
was all
I planned.
but
your lips,
your hands,
your hips,
your eyes,
you entice me,
you.
you’re all i think about.
you.
you made me fall for
you.

with each other,
we played around,
****** around
as one would say
“never catch feelings”
our one and
only rule

but

a rebel at heart,
i was.
to break rules was a
part of myself.

“i think i’m in love.
with her.”

again it has happened,
that radio silence, that
perfect broken brilliance;
so familiar, so threatening,
that hum of anxious breaths
and tongues and chests,
my glass has shattered
again and the blood has
filled the floor and i
step towards you too eager
to kiss the wounds
on your feet and ankles
and pray to god you
kiss me back and you do;
there is a nineteen-year-old
inside whose heart begins
to burst but there is a grown
woman out here pretending to
be into this tragedy
this destruction of naivety
this stranger who continues
to call himself my friend;  
maybe one day he'll mean it

i don't know if i want to kiss your lips or just your skin
I just know i'm falling
but I’m afraid I’ll hit the ground hard. And I don't want to.
Can your arms hold the weight of my love? Or do they just want to hold my naked body?
Are you sure it's the best idea to just see where things go?
You make me think love isn’t a real thing
sometimes it seems beautiful
    fictional
        toxic
             deadly…
You still kiss me like i'm what you want
but i know it's just a game to you
Please don't be surprised if one day i refuse to participate.
you're patronizing
                inconsiderate
                     cold  
                 debilitating
                
but somehow you still find the words and continue dragging me along.

i'm not sure if you're really toxic….
or it's just all in my head.
because i love you
I think I love you?
Or maybe, i only love you when you're in my bed.
I still haven’t decided

I don't want to be the cigarette in your coat pocket
Just so you can take me out and use me
And after the high put me out and end my light -sprawled naked across my bed-just to say
"I wish we didn't do that..."

Filling me with such regret

Just friends we promised
"Nothing more"
He said as he pulls me to the floor...

That night I went to bed with a *****.
He left before dawn...

He uses me but I dont mind
God help me...
I've fallen for a *****...

"So is this what we are? Friends with benefits, right?"
Oh, right.