In the midst of our passion,
I tried to make you show your hand.
You were losing your poker face,
I thought your inhibitions were gone.

But when I said “tell me what you want”
You replied “for you to be happy and healthy”.

And that shattered the dam.
The wall that held back the sea splintered.
And I let you see me drown in my pain.

I told you how letting you gorge on me
Made me the kind of sad I could control.
It was a shallow kind of sad, one that could be fixed with scotch tape.
I ripped the adhesive off  of the shallow sad
When the deep dark sad became too much.

I told you how letting you gorge on me
Made me feel useful, even if it validated everything he told me.
I don’t care that my body is nothing more than something to be ******,
At least I’m doing my friend a favor.

So even if I can’t be happy and healthy right now,
And even if you know that,
At least we can see each other for what we are
As I let you feed his desires for me,
And you let me feed my desire for pain.

Let's get it back like nothing happened and return to normal,
Nice while it lasted but the way that this has turned is awful,
Friends with benefits? This is the end of it,
We should've never kissed, it's best we just forget this ****,
I don't wanna be strangers, giving ****** favours,
That'd probably fail I've just gotta honour the changes,
That you made me make, because they made me great,
It was the games we played that swayed me babe,
No one's ready with a friend and a plan at birth,
But we've got each other so I wanna put my hand in hers,
Just platonically honestly, I promise, it's gotta be,
Let's get high as **** and binge watch Planet Earth.

Writing his name feels like a panic attack.

I was fifteen. Young kid, lonely.
All I wanted was to be wanted,
And he wanted me.

He was eighteen. Average man,
He already knew me.
I went to his house and he gave me a hickey.

Little red mark on my neck, pretty pink,
On my skin it stayed, as I leaned over the sink.
Last night's dinner was going to come up.

The bra I wore to his house,
I've only worn it once since then.
Wearing it feels like putting his hands on me.

The jeans I wore to his house,
I lost them and decided not to look.
They were a reminder of the piece of me he took.

Everything we did, I said "yes" to.
He was the first guy to touch my chest,
I had to force my body to be mine again.

All I wanted was to be wanted,
And he wanted me.
Traumatized so beautifully.

Boy down the street.
All I wanted was to be wanted,
And he wanted me.

I just wanted to be wanted.
And he wanted my body.
Writing his name feels like a panic attack.

Kiss my lips so I know it's true
Hug me tight so I know it's you
But when you look into my eyes
I know everything is just a lie

We met by chance
But I fell for you at first glance
We played it cool
Like kids back in High School

No strings attached that was our ule
So we just did it like a bunch of fools
Every night that we wont forget
This is the kind I wont regret

He uses me, but I don't mind being used by him