I found myself
driving down the road
with the wind blowing
cigarette smoke in my face

I found myself
in the passenger seat of her car
with the bass kicking louder
than the lyrics we screamed

I found myself
in the reflections of windows we passed
blurred by the downpour of rain
but not completely erased

I found myself
in her laughter and
my name passing through her lips
as if it were her song

I found myself
alone
her name floating through my mind
wondering where the hell it went wrong

Sometimes I wonder if my existence is at all valid,
I remember sitting on the bathroom floor at school with my then best friend and staring at the tile that surrounded us.
I thought about all the kids before us who have walked on this tile, escaping responsibilities, escaping teachers.
I thought about how absolutely insignificant that moment in time was,
how my plaid skirt and that unforgiving burgundy polo would later on refuse to bear witness to the things said and heard in that bathroom.
The mindlessly boring and insensitive ramblings of two teenage girls sulking on a bathroom floor made no ripple in the atmosphere.
The moment and the memory were gone as soon as they left.
If this trail of lost friendships and missed opportunities for significant bonds has taught me anything,
it’s that everything falls apart one way or another.

Sitting here, trying to be strong
Wondering, where did it go wrong

The late night phone calls
And early morning messages

The planning for each weekend
And all the places we unwind

The memories we shared
And things we discovered together

Your funny ****** expressions
And the way you made me laugh

How we were so alike
And different at the same time

The way you knew when something was wrong
And I hadn’t said anything

The way you made me look forward to your surprises
And I thought I hated surprises

Your cheesyness, stubbornness and procrastination
And all the things that make you you

I’ve come to accept it’s all in the past
And I have to move on fast

once upon a time,
there were two peas in a pod.
true partners in crime;
envied, was their facade.

they kept each other's secrets,
at least one pea did.
a few spilled, the other admits.
she was reluctantly acquitted.

forgiven again and again,
deteriorating the bond's trust.
controlling her best friend,
their connection doomed to combust.

the big blow up never happened,
one pea just rolled away.
her life is now unburdened,
ready for a brand new day.

“The storm is coming!”
Shouted by a friend who's running
I looked behind and there I saw people panicking
And there's this another friend walking towards me while crying
I gave her a warm hug, and she uttered "I lost everything."
Am I allowed to talk? I asked to myself, but she held onto my arms and ask, “Are you listening?”
I nodded as a response and there she stopped crying
The storm which shattered everyone and left nothing
"I was only drag here by my own feet. I only have you." and there I saw she's barefoot, and her wound is bleeding


The other friend which I saw a while ago is now from afar looking at me
Her eyes are also hurt from crying but she's mad and trying to find a shelter
She is envious of this friend who's relying to me right now
But she was the first one who ran away, forgetting me
She was the one who left me alone, but now to whom is she trying to put the blame?
Is it for I who was abandoned, or is it for her who ran away?

Damaged seeks damage
And misery loves company
I think that's why we're best friends,
We understand each other's melancholy.
I realized out of the blue
That I've never written anything for you
And that's just ridiculous, you know,
You're the best friend I've ever had
You're angry, and I'm sad
But deep down inside it's the same broken path
I destroy myself for the hell of it
And you watch with open arms,
You stick around.
Thank you for that.
It's three thousand miles of pure *******
But at the end of it all there is nothing more sincere
Than the way we can laugh with each other
After so many long years.
This is pretty messy, this is pretty dull
But I wanted to write something that hadn't been said yet
About something that hasn't grown old.
Our bond is irreplaceable,
Irrevocable.
Thank you for showing me unconditionality
And thank you for being around for refusing to forget.
See January 23rd, 2019
Is gonna either make or break me
I will fly my way across this torn land
I will stay by your side.
And when the clock strikes midnight,
January 24th, 2019
Will break it's way through the clouds to greet you.
A world without you would break my heart
Every day that came.
And in the time we spend apart
I learn the spaces between your name.
This one is yours, for you to keep
Please remember me, when you turn 23.
Boost Post

Memories of you and I remain
In times of insanity and when sane
Both parties are responsible–to be blamed!
Today’s portrait is what has become the outcome

Our laughing roars filled the room
Everyone’s expression said, “We’re doomed!”
Denying is futile–the whole place went boom!
But reminiscing now invites Cloud of Gloom

Orange and pink blanketed the sky
Cue: another is about to pass by
To the train we’d greet, “Hi~!”
The usual spots, yours and mine,
Shrieked while we were on high
Chat goes on ‘til the other said bye

The next? No exemption!
Pair of feet exercise in assumption
Kinetic hands trap them in adoration
Cloud 9 waltz in successive repetition

Orange and pink blanketed the sky
Cue: another is about to pass by
To the train we’d greet, “Hi~!”
The usual spot, mine,
Am no longer able to occupy
Only to find stranger’s beam so sly

Thanks to her personality, voice like chime
You and her turn buddies in no time
While I stay on your side like a mime;
That felt as if losing a dime

That night insomnia attacked
Your voices echoing made me whacked–
A virus marched into the brain via hack
Caused the insides to curse “****!”
These insecurities plan no turning back

Reality presented my fear:
Your orbs wiggle while I am here
When you did a scan for her
Out crying one thing clear
I’ve been replaced, my dear.

Today
Dear reader
You are the most precious
Person in my life.
For this moment
I offer you my heart
Freely.
I hope for your dreams
and mourn your losses
I stand before you
With my sacred oath,
That for this fleeting moment
Unspoiled for eternity
My heart is in your palms
And you beat within my chest.
As the world mires  
In Greed and Ego,
Manipulation and Hate
Today
Dear Friend
For a moment,
We changed this World.