You remind me of fresh dew on the grass,
In the morning when it’s cold,
And still dark but the sun is ebbing,
Just below the horizon.

In the sort of calm way that a heart,
Can open,
I wake up to you like snowy mornings,
Mild frost and a chill in the air,
Just enough to make me feel,
A little more alive than usual.

Something crisp, and delicate,
Begs beyond the surface.
Is it the siren’s call?

The rudest awakening,
Alarm clock beckons.
From bliss to reality,
in two nasty seconds.

Early winter mornings,
an unnatural time.
So dark and depressing
is this great British clime.

The air is freezing.
The heating is broken.
It's to this Baltic *******,
that I am awoken.

Skin's hypersensitive
and lights are too bright.
Noises too noisy,
Take me back to the night.

Forced out of bed,
and all just for money.
But as everyone knows,
no money, no honey.

crystals slid down her pale cheeks
tears frozen from the wind
her eyes
they burned
the light
it dimmed
she was freezing out there
standing alone
lost her heart
lost her home
she was cold
it was old
and she wanted it to end

Now that I have  been thinking about it over my sleep,
I think you are kinda like ice cream,
you are like ice cream on a very hot summer day.
you keep melting away,
but I keep taking you back,
putting you back up in the freezer.
Trying to make you like before,
at least I think I do,
but I keep losing parts of you,

Some parts of you that I love,
So tell me should I stop freezing you back
Taking you back?

i miss you
when you were next to me
and you were warm.
i'm still cold
even with
a deep blue
kingsize
fluffy blanket
and cheddar-broccoli soup
i'm freezing.
i miss you,
with your grey hoodie
and your smile
that warmed up my insides.

If i express myself the way i would like to
It will be alright.
Because it is winter now
And with Winter, comes the excuse and need
To wear a warm, long sleeved shirt and jacket
Wherever you go.
So nobody will see
The artwork upon the middle of my arm
Nobody will take any notice
Of my nervous ticks
If the source of them is covered up.

It is Winter now.
It is Cold.

:
..
....
........
...........

As often as a human's breath,
deadlines and restrictions pop up
simultaneous with emergencies
chores, and necessities...all in a fast
pace, many things are prioritized
...though, most are unnecessary and
occupy precious space in our lives...

everyday, we struggle...silent battles
and tribulations stir the soul...
for some reason, some things cannot
be changed...some people play deaf
and stay the same.....neither could
thoughts towards them, be altered...
sometimes, our ties with useless stuff,
and useless people...need to be severed.
moments come when, we've had enough
..............of rules and regulations.
...................we just get fed up...

life is precious and short.....a part of me
....awaits a break......a cold phase,
.........when all my discontent would freeze
..............when all queasy feelings
...................this fidgeting within,
........................would turn to ice
..............................permanently.....
.................­......
...................
.............
.........
......
....
..­
.

Sally

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
(an old unposted poem from 2014)

Warm little kisses
To freezing finger tips
Are like burns to me

Why don't You run
Why are You here
What do You want


They do their job perfectly
Thawing out this heart
Making me pliant


What do You need
What is It
What am I to you

Unable to do anything
Limp for your hands
Aching for a touch

Would You break my heart too?

One minute fine,
The next minute not,
It may be freezing cold,
But my brain is boiling hot.

The tingling sensation,
And then the trembling starts,
I cannot feel my legs,
Yet how I feel my heart!

The environment is spinning,
The air is getting thin,
No matter how fast I breathe,
I cant get enough oxygen in.

Things enter my mind,
I try to force them out,
But the harder I try,
The more they come back and shout.

I feel im going to faint,
Im feeling so sick,
I cannot run away,
All my legs let me do is sit.

My legs get weak and heavy,
My brain doesnt know whats going on,
Everything becomes something to fear,
The floor, my clothes, hair... and so on.

My mouth is dry like paper,
My body is sweating yet cold,
Where did all of this come from?
Is this what its like to get old?

My body feels frozen,
But my brain is running around,
Playing tricks on me,
Where there is no danger to be found.

Breathing exercises dont work
Though they make sense normally,
In the moment of panic -
You lose all sense of reality.

The images enter your mind,
You try to force them out,
But the harder you try,
The more they refuse to get out.

Everything becomes a danger,
I will say one more time,
Every object becomes a weapon,
And slices through your mind.

The nausea causes more panic,
The panic responds with more nausea,
What a horrific cycle,
How to stop it I have no idea.

****** functions fail,
The digestive system especially,
But now your afraid of the toilet (!)
Though you need it in a hurry.

The trembling is so intense,
The fear so intense,
You struggle to make a call,
Your mind and body losing control.

Diazepam becomes your best friend,
You'd worship it if you could,
Its often there to save the day,
..Although at other times you just wish it would...

The adrenal glands are to blame,
Im not the Adrenalin rush kind,
My adrenal glands are evil,
How can they be so cruel and unkind?!

I dont like my adrenal glands,
Im an ***** donar - but if I die please be warned,
DO NOT TAKE THE ADRENAL GLANDS,
...then again, with the right brain, they could be your friends?

Its the "brain- adrenal gland" combination,
Which is of the ******* kind,
Perhaps if brain sent out the right signals,
My adrenal glands might understand.

There is a time and place for adrenalin,
I have sampled many myself,
But this is just not one of them...
Yet - subconcious brain fears itself...

That is it.....the brain "fears itself"...