fighting

somewhere out in the world, somebody’s child is dying –
we all should be crying, but being miles apart, you right
now could be smiling – knowing not a thing

life is often tragedy; in other times it’s the happier times
to make us smile. we are a billion diamonds reflecting
each other lights – we hope to live, we all know we’ll
die, some hope for peace, still we fight within this life
to try and survive  

we do our best to dream, even when sleep has other plans
so for some, they re-enact the scenes from dreams to make
them seem real. though the past is gone, some of the memories
of it don’t make a retreat; some hope for peace, still we fight
within this life to try and survive  
                seems we’ve always been bred to fight.

Days spent inpatient
Couldn't save me from me
Years spent in treatment
Failing to set me free
Dozens of medications
Just to be told it's BPD
Hundreds of coping mechanisms
Yet you still won't believe
I've worn myself out trying
To fight for a release.

So alive and so in love
Like a single lily in the meadow, there we dance
Our waltz of love putting everyone to shame
We whirl and twirl, until the night fades away
As your coach arrives, I draw for a goodnights kiss
But away you ride, leaving me amiss
I awake to the sound of furious crashes
The ground shakes, It’s those ****** howitzers
The muddy trench comes in to view as my dreams fade
How I long this war to end so you and I can waltz again

it gets better, someone said
after a while, it gets better
impatience killed too many
and often life is too much to bear

i am still holding out for better days
at night, i kneel and throw out prayers
like dying prophet, i call out to God
will it mean anything, my dripping blood?

my fallen teeth, the uncountable tears
sweat and times i wanted to give in
my heart, a thousand have pierced
i still swing my blade like a fedayeen

if there is something big awaiting me
if there is light at the end of the tunnel
i am willing to fight for it
i will never throw the towel

for once, i will do what's right
for once, i won't die without a fight.