They say a father helps you see
The kind of person you should be.
A role model, strong and true,
But that's not what I learned from you.
The path you walk, I cannot take,
For my own future's, my own sake.
As husband, father, brother too,
My way must be different from you.

You worked hard, yes, the bills were paid,
You kept your promises, duty-made.
You gave us shelter, provided food,
But missed the heart's essential good.
You failed to build that bridge inside,
Where loving feelings can reside.
Emotionally, we were left dry,
Beneath a cold and empty sky.

So much affection has just flown,
The seeds of caring, left unsown.
The feelings now are hard to find,
Leaving a quiet, weary mind.
An emptiness has taken hold,
A story sadly left untold.

Living together in this place,
It’s hard to find my own space.
The air is thick with disagreement,
Constant arguments, sharp dissent.
I can't change things to feel like mine,
Just toe the ordinary line.
This house is where I live, it's true,
But "home" feels somewhere else, anew.

So anger simmers, soft and low,
And sadness watches, ebb and flow.
Disappointment, a heavy guest,
Puts heart and hope both to the test.
To share a roof, yet be so far,
Beneath a dim and distant star,
Leaves just a hollow sort of ache
For the connection you didn't make.

I just know I'm weak.
And now I know that
and that it's not that unusual,
I now know it better.
Like when you get to know
someone in your life better.
Like your dad - adult to adult
and you find words
that better describe him
and in describing,
you find understanding.
So it's like that.
And now that I know it better
(the weak bit),
I find that I can bear it
better
just like my dad before me.

My father was a broken man.
Haunted by the war, tortured by his past.
I am nothing like my father,
But he is everything to me.

When I was five,
He walked me to school.
He pointed out the rain,
The snow, the butterflies on
The green, green grass
That always seemed to grow.
He tried his best to distract me from
Our harsh reality.
Because deep down, he knew,
Our fate was fatality.

When I was seven,
He took me to a dance.
He didn’t want to go,
But he promised he would.
And to make up for every other broken promise, he did it because he “should.”
So I wore my princess dress,
Conga-lined with my friends,
Until sobriety kicked my father in the gut
And kicked us out of the dance.

When I was ten,
I began to realize what heartbreak felt like.
It was rooted somewhere between
The drunken apologies and
My undying forgiveness.
And it wasn’t instantaneous,
It was slow, torturous,
Like the shards of each broken
Bottle of whiskey stabbing me
Until I couldn’t breathe.

When I was twelve,
I was buried alive.
Piled underneath piles of
“It’s okay… you’ll get better.”
My father that once walked me to school,
Now guided me through a living hell.
My steps through the rain and snow
Were now substituted with
Steps to the glow of the refrigerator light
As I fetched him yet another bottle of death-
But it’s okay, because he’ll get better.

And through my teenage years,
It was ripe on my tongue,
It intoxicated my nose,
It pierced through my ears.
Death.
Until finally,
I could breathe.
Because finally,
Death took his broken promises.
Death took away the heartbreak.
Death took him by the bottle,
And by the bottle, my father died.

My father was a broken man.
But what he couldn’t break, he passed down to me.
I’m still haunted by the war, tortured by the past.
I wanna be nothing like my father,
Yet he’s still everything to me.

I was looking for a dream in soulless eyes.

You thought that I was just like you
And milked the light from this star
You sold my brightness for profit
And now I wonder how far you are

I thought that you would give me my light back
But you led me into a fire
Lured me in with ink and a page
And now I'm trapped in a burning cage

I watch the stars in the night sky
The ones I once knew
You crush them down to ash
You sell them out for cash

I wanted to be just like you
But that isn't my goal anymore
I will be so much better
Is that what you wanted, too?

I inherited your soulless eyes
Do you see my dream in them?

We hadn't heard from him for a year
He was destroyed
He looked unhappy
He was in the waiting room
Facing me
Full of guilt
He had really changed
He no longer took care of himself
He didn't even dare look at me
He just stared at the ground
It was sad
Sad to have been in a passionate relationship
Having a child with this person
Spending so much time with him
And now
we're complete strangers
As far as I'm concerned
I feel no pity
I know that when I really love someone
I'm capable of ruining their life
Especially when I feel betrayed
Today we were in court
He wanted access to Liam
Our son
It's a short step from love to hate
He dared to pick on me in front of everyone
And yes
He really has lost everything
And sadly I know he still loves me
But he makes me wanna puke
He made me lose confidence in all men
I doubt I can trust anyone again
I'm a believer
I know you have to learn to forgive
To be a good person
I try to do my best
But when it comes to my son
I pull out my claws
The day he's a man
He can see his son
Amen

Father please hear me, I have something to say,
These are my words, they won’t go away.
I have longed for them to be answered, day after day,
From the time I was a little boy
To the man I am standing here today
I am burdened with your silence like a heavy weight on my chest,
Living in your shadow
I have always tried to do my best.
Through every single failure
success,
Through every single fall
I have waited for something—anything at all.
Have I ever made you proud,
Do I belong?
Am I just guessing,
Was I always in the wrong?
I have looked in your eyes, they never would tell, they never would say, now you’re leaving, about to die today, I fear they never will,  I fear you won’t even try.
Still, I am here, if you are wondering why,  my heart is torn, a son who has waited since the day he was born, for a father‘s pride, a father‘s love, anything for his father to finally be proud of, but………..
Dad it is okay, if you have no words, If you cannot say, you’re proud of your son here today, then please take my hand, don’t let this moment slip away. I will always love you
Today tomorrow and yesterday.
R.I.P Stacey Lynn Stoops(DAD)
10/28/1954~08/2023

You called me darling, a name just for me,
A love so pure, as deep as the sea.
No matter how busy, you always found time,
To play, to laugh, to make life shine.

You brought me chocolates, a sweet little treat,
Never once letting me feel incomplete.
No wish was too big, no dream too far,
You moved mountains to gift me the stars.

Through sleepless nights, you held my hand,
When I was weak, you’d help me stand.
If I was hungry, you’d go without,
Your love, unwavering, beyond all doubt.

In my darkest hour, you were my light,
A guiding star burning ever so bright.
With every answer, with every care,
You made me fearless, beyond despair.

People call me strong, they don’t see,
That you were the one who built that in me.
No man, no force could bring me down,
For you made me a queen, deserving a crown.

But now you're gone, and I feel so alone,
The one love I had, the truest I've known.
The world feels empty, cold and wide,
Without you standing by my side.

Yet, deep inside, your strength remains,
In every heartbeat, in every vein.
Though I can’t see you, I know you’re near,
Whispering "darling," calm and clear.

So I’ll stand tall, though my heart may ache,
For you gave me a strength no one can take.
And when I falter, when I fall,
I’ll hear your voice—your love through all.