Set the boundaries
Ease the pain
Life will go
Much better they say
Easier said than
Put into place
Cause when I did
His hands rose to
My face.

                    -L.Frost

“They” have never lived
        with a narcissist.

You lured me in
With your compliments
And trapped me with
your lies
I could never please you
No matter how I tried
The day we tied
The knot to hell
I saw the evil twist
And some years later
I ran
To escape
Your
      Fist.

                       -L.Frost

are you
going to
apologise
for yelling at me
for  no given reason
or
am i just
to suppress the
tears and
are we to
act as if nothing happened?
am i supposed to be
okay?

I was never special, I meant nothing to you
That became clear when you searched for someone new
I gave you my heart and you just took a peek
Pretending you loved me was so ******* weak
You hated how I could read your actions— that I saw through
All the lies and your energy and everything you do
You couldn’t hide, even though you tried
Your ****** behavior, I wouldn’t let slide
You’d gaslight me, and I’d question my perspective
Then I realized I was the only one being reflective
I’ve been here before and I see you’re a narc
I know your games, you can’t hide in the dark
You love bomb in the beginning then you take it away
Everything is a lie, I can’t believe what you say
I thought you were special—someone real
I didn’t realize how well you could fake the way you feel
I fell for it again, when will I ******* learn?
I can’t just give away my heart, it’s something to earn

Mental and emotional wounds are invisible, but a wound is still felt by those they inflict
Just like a tiny cut, you still feel the pain even if you can't see it
Just like the cancer beneath your flesh and in your brain, it still eats away at you

These are wounds that don't heal or go away if you apply pressure or put a bandaid over
There is no stitch that can put your broken heart and wounded mind back together
You walk with this pain
Feel it in every step and passing look

The goosebumps on your arms
The trembling of your hands
The darkness behind your eyes
The apathy in your voice
You can't see the wound, but sometimes you can see the symtoms

You can't feel the pain another feels
You can't see it but that doesn't mean it isn't there
You can't see a cough or a virus as it courses its way through your body
But that doesn't mean they aren't real

We carry these invisible scars with us
And they never truly go away or fade

I want to keep you secret
Because when you’re secret,
You’re still mine
And my thoughts are my own
My feelings are real
I’m free
As long as I keep you to myself
As long as you’re secret

As soon as they know
Their opinions will fill my head
A thick, slow fog in my mind
I won’t be able to trust myself
I know they can convince me of anything
They’ll fill my head with themselves
And there won’t be room for me anymore
No room for us
Once again I’ll be a puppet
They’ll pull at all my strings
Because that’s what they do

I want them in my life
But I also want to be in my life

So for a little longer
You’ll remain my secret
Just until I catch my breath
And am ready to fight my mind

Oh, shes so dark,
Oh shes got acne,
Oh shes so ugly,
Oh shes so fat,
They all cooed into her ears as they pushed her off the roof,
Then they gathered around the coffin asking
But she had everything, why this?

I’m so ******* sick of all this *******
It’s exhausting
I’m tired of it!
I’m not your possession
I’m not your slave
Your subordinate
Your minion
Your tool
Your punching bag
Your therapy

I am an adult human being
I’m a person
I’m your ******* daughter

Quiet in my velvet dreams
gleaming with beauty queens
ultraviolet veneers
under crystal clear chandeliers

Awake. Never quite getting the reckoning.
Instead you're beckoning
me to your charade of promise
but I'm stuck in the forest
where you're my Charon
following me to the limestone,
dragging me back to the gates
and I know you mean well, but it doesn't resonate.

I've abandoned all hope and entered
Feeling like I've surrendered
What is it I will remember
when we get to November?
Biting my arm
in moments of harm
or
braiding my hair
with you just being unaware?

It all seems silly
like a grand facade really
where I can't see why anyone
can buy into becoming a chameleon.
Why take it so serious
when it just feels delirious?
What is it we're racing to
at the end, it's the same view.
Who is it for?
I really must make sure.

Waiting for my Virgil
To guide me through the hurdles.
He's no where to be seen
as I choke on my amphetamines.

I always turn this hate to myself
Because it’s easier I suppose
To just believe I’m ****
Than to face the possibility
That I’m suffering
That I’ve been damaged
By the ones I thought loved me

It’s so ******* hard to fight
The programming in your mind
When you’ve been raised
Playing games for love
Never knowing acceptance
Being stripped of privacy
Your mother telling you
Your tears are an embarrassment
Ridiculing your emotions

So instead
You hide
You learn to sob in silence
You learn to hate yourself
Because it couldn’t be them...
They couldn’t hurt you
They love you

... right?