When our
shadows die,
do they bleed
light?

My heart's burning with your touch,
Flames till the roof of my heart,
While this warmth keeps me alive,
The smoke chokes me to death.

He stands there with a passive regard.
The silence mirrors that of a graveyard.
In front of a lit door,
enters the wintry air.
Extends his arm, welcomingly unbarred.

trigger warning: idk blood


i must be losing my mind

sitting here staring at the blood on my wrist
man... it's all over my wrist....
i could do more... but i ought to stop

but here i am...
just looking at it...
laughing...

i've found myself
in some delirious place
where the pain... it's funny
'cause there's so much
it's so ******* bad...
all i can do
is laugh
and bleed
and cry

Why do I feel the only way to start all over again is to be reborn?
Why do I feel the only answer is to leave everything behind?
Why do I feel everything is not okay and it will never be?
Why do I feel everything is falling apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it?
Why do I feel like exhaling one last breath and then leave with a smile?

There is nothing else in my mind but to just leave and let go completely.

In the moments before death my brain had flooded with DMT  
And I could see in my mind’s eye all of the best that had been between us.
From somewhere above my body I silently screamed that the DNR was a mistake
I was comforted then in knowing that you would soon follow me into the dark
-a willing victim of our shared cancer.
I had seen your hospice nurses and heard your death rattles for years.
Even still I longed so much for you to grab the paddles and force me back
but we had agreed not to resuscitate;
so paralyzed I watched my life leave.

It was first with a whimper and then with sobs
that I grasped wildly around the small pitch box
in search of you who had promised to die with me.
I found instead more darkness, the smell of dirt
and that not even the ghost of you had come to lay.

I can sometimes hear you eulogize my goodness from above
when you come to pick the flowers I’m growing with what is left of me.
I won’t reach for you anymore as I did last night.
I will lie very still.
Without a whimper.

she's big,
almost too big.
big enough to weigh more
than you.

she's hope,
that something betters to come.
that we won't be here forever.

she's always there,
haunting your every move.
in your way,
and on your lap.
but always exactly where you want her.



she's dying,
and we have to hold onto her,
before it's too late.