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Janice Jun 21
You say you want me
But you don’t mean it
If you tell me you love me
Better make sure I believe it
You stand with me in the light
But won’t hold me in my darkness
thought breaking me was so easy
You thought I was guard less  
But you played wit me
Now I play with you
You stay with me
Now I stay with you
You thought this would be easy
But it’s a game that I play too
Tried to shatter my heart
But didn’t realize it was guarded
Tried to hide me from the light
Didn’t know I love darkness
Say that you still love me
Didn’t think I’d see deception
I just want you to know
Neither of us are getting into heaven
Cause if you fall I fall
If you fly I fly
If one of us screws this up
Sorry to say but we both die
We’re linked to an eternal Afterlife
And that’s why
I cry at night
Read like a rap
Janice Mar 23
Although i havent felt your touch in months
It still lingers heavily on my
skin
The need for you forever burning
Youve set a fire deep within
No water or disturbance
can extinguish
The love i have for you
And as i lay here ever lonesome
My thoughts are full of you
And with each passing day
I miss your structured face,
Steamy eyes,
And your subtle grace.

And with each summer breeze
I miss the way your hand feels
And the way you used to let me trace your palms.
How you used to stare at me
For just a little too long.

Missing you is constant now.
I always wish you were here.
When I miss kissing your cheek
And whispering in your ear.

Nothing is the same.
Not anymore
I wished for one thing,
Just being yours.
I tend to lose days when my eyes stick, ****** Haze, I couldn't tell you the last meal I ate, or how many hours I've been awake, just that the days and nights have been a passing phase, no more than light change, I've always been a night owl anyway.

See my life started spiralling when she died and I cried hard enough, but not for as long as I need and now my heart is barely beating unless my lips are pointed at fire, and sometimes the flames are men 13 years older, sometimes the flames are tips of cigarettes and my own arm because I'm manic and driving and I'll barely feel it.

I feel nothing and everything all at once.

 Usually, this is when I tell you I met some boy who made my heart stop beating so quickly, when I would tell you how his kisses soothed my burns, but this, is not that story

I met a man who kissed softly, who touched with purpose but delicacy. Who tasted my soul before my body, and made his chest a place I long for... but cannot reach.

My hands hurt from pounding on the walls inside myself, I want to let him in, but my body breaks into shake, my body shudders at the idea of being left again, my voice barely makes out "I love you" before my mind starts racing with what it will look like when he leaves.

I drafted a poem the other night and all I could get down was that the poem I write when he loves me, will never be as good as the one I wite when he leaves, and I still believe that's true, no one has ever shown me a love beautiful enough to write well, or maybe I've just not had enough practice.

It's days like this that I wonder if I knew what time it was, would I still be thinking of you, if I knew what day of the week it was, would I still be stuck in your bed, with your smoke, and your smell. I can't remember the last time I felt so intoxicated without a line, I speed faster from your touch than the red bull and adderall, but love, I crash harder than 3 day binge when you leave

They say addiction will make you forget how to love, but you are a much more dangerous vice.
Haven't posted on here I'm ages, welcoming myself back.
Janice Mar 22
Your hoodie still hangs in the back of my closet...

It's been there for months

But i cant bring myself to throw it out
It's the only thing that still smells
Of your sweet cologne and shampoo,
The cigarette smoke and green smoke too

It holds the memories of your hand

And when i see it I'm looking into your face again,  as you say "I love you"
Something so often done that
I'll never again see you do
Janice Mar 21
I remember,

I remember a time that thinking of you didn't make me feel like dying

Where my world was full of dandelions and cigarette smoke

Of car rides with you
listening to 'our song' but now
our song makes me sick to my stomach

Ever since saying I love you
meant goodbye

And now, I hate dandelions
Janice Mar 18
Dancing under violets
In a medow filled with light
A storm was fast approaching
But was never in my sight
Took an innocent victim
As he slowly lost his life
The medow filled with clouds
That made it dark as night
No longer am i dancing
For without you it's not right
There's not a song that i can dance to
Without you by my side
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