I have always thought of you
as someone greater than who you really think you are.
as someone more unassuming than I thought you were.
as someone so ultimately challenging.
as someone I would never ever be able to get mad at
despite how annoying you can be at times.
as someone so incredibly smart
even you yourself could not fathom
how I got to that conclusion.
I have always thought of you this way,
despite everything else that I’ve said,
these few things were the most important
were the most prevalent
were the most meaningful but yet has no meaning
to me.
My days are usually cold.
It always were and it always will be.
I slip into what I am most comfortable in,
but I know these jackets are nowhere near as comfortable
as when our naked bodies touches each other.
I drink my ice coffee, I sat on those crispy wooden chairs,
in hopes to see you ‘accidentally’,
but I know it’s nowhere near as awakening
as when you talk to me, whatever it may be.
I smoke my cigarette, light it ferociously,
but I know it’s nowhere near as fiery
as when our mind thought of the same joke,
as when our mind hates the same person,
as when our mind likes the same song,
as when our mind misses the other.
I crack chilly jokes, I make frozen comments,
I appear numbly flirtatious, I appear uncharted,
I put up a facade, like a game of Charades,
but I know it’s nowhere near as ridiculously
fallible and flawed
as our true feelings are for each other.
To err is to cling on emotional tendencies,
And I am clinging with inches of my fingers
on the edges of your heart,
and I learned that no matter what we are,
you are very important to me
both psychologically and mentally,
both physically and emotionally.
My nights are incredibly lonely.
My thoughts usually wander to the impossible.
Like us - the impossibility fares to its extreme.
I slip into my pyjamas and as psychotic as this may sound
I wish it was made out of your skin.
I wish it smells like you, speaks like you,
looks like you, walks like you,
brushes its hair like you,
bites its lip like you,
holds its cigarettes like you,
just like you.
Nothing escapes my paradoxical mind.
I close my eyes hoping to count sheeps
but instead I counted my days with you.
Every night I assured myself that we could never work,
but every morning I awake excited to catch a glimpse
of your stupidly looking fringe
and yet I still love it unconditionally.
No one is as big of a fool as I am when it comes to you,
and no one is as big of a tool as I am too.
Because
Every moment I am ridiculously awake
I spent it putting my thoughts of you to sleep.
And
Every moment I am thoroughly asleep
I spent it hoping you’ll be safely awake.
Because we all know
nightmares can be scary.
And because we all know
sweet dreams can be scarier.
And because we all know
forbidden love is the scariest.
As I close my eyes hoping to fall asleep
I realised I have instead fallen in love.
