You had it made
no worries
no fears
no sadness
but you chose to throw it all away-
for all the wrong reasons
then you realized
that you were better off before
and patched it up
expecting forgiveness
expecting to end the pain.
You  then knew
that it was right to
be with him
to share his love
his pain
but...
because of mistakes
and problems
it couldn't work
then you realized
that mistake you had made-
for all the wrong reasons

I guess I just expected
Something else

It happens every year,
I get excited
Hopeful
Giddy
That maybe
This year will be
Different.

Maybe I'll find an awesome friend
Who does my nails
And answers calls at two am
Like Nicole did
Before she moved to California

Or she could be like Kayla
Who would be silly with me in
Drama class
And use chocolate sauce for blood
In our Black and White movie
Before her dad died in combat
And she went to bury him in
Some foreign country
Where cell phones
Don't count

Or a boyfriend like Louis
That I could see a future with
Sitting listening to Relient K
In a college dorm
With a million years to spare
Before he left for London

But the girl in front of me
In English
Pops her gum for the boy
In the next desk
And could poke my eye out
With her fake straightened hair.

The girl in my drama class
Cakes on her mask and
Participates in pageant after pageant
And calls her anorexia
A diet

And I heard the rumor
That the boy I thought was cute
In chemistry
Was caught ******* his
Girlfriend
Under her desk in
Español Dos.

I didn't think my standards were too high to meet.

You tease me softly as not to please
my mind it melts from extruding ******

A torture chamber in my brain
your words to me leave ***** stain

From your mind I can't abstain
my darkened soul has yet to Drain

A dismal fate that love ignores
impossible grace, from ***** chores

The one you seek is spoken for
she points a finger, theirs the door

You return in the dead of night
you know you shouldn't, your mind you fight

Broken vows are not a choice
you refrain from evil voice

You slip back into your deep dark past
stepping over your heart, it's beat it's last...

i

The inner sanctum of my mind
is sick and twisted locked in time
thoughts run ramped, congealed and sour
I'm lost among you...

ii

A darkened realm of oblivion
a door to nowhere, to many keys
wrong choices, chaotic voices
a dead man strolling a black rose garden...

iii

You live your life, the wife, the cash
I live in fear of death, drowning, electrocution
a cutters way from rafters sway
you can find it, any given day...

iv

The pain, the sadness
the empty shell
life is sometimes a living hell
a little deeper and blood will flow...

v

Come what may on dismal ears
live your granted time, full of fears
staggering through with thoughts of mayhem
hold yourself in contempt...

vi

Why harm myself, I find that strange
inflict on others my hate and rage
I wont cut you, not at all
I'll drive it deep to the hilt...

vii

Walk among the fearful masses
a killer born every minute
I pulled the number
lucky me...

.....Soooo do you want to know something rather funny I heard
& know for a fact is completely absurd
this did I hear from a friendly little bird
Who I can trust is true to their word
there's this boy I use to know really well
Who's running around with all these stories he's trying to tell
about me being so horrible & I'm going to hell
he must have tripped & hit his head when he fell
Telling his new "lady", a  lady she is not, not in any state
all these lies about me when we used to date
it's just ******* & drama he's trying to create
I'm not sure what I did to him for me to receive all this hate
I personally thought I was great
I am just glad things changed to rearrange my fate........

......Meanwhile....
Another conversation was being held....
"Honey!", he calls "I have a date night arranged."
"We can talk & post stories about my ex, I know it sounds strange...."
....BUT you're my shoulder to cry on, he thinks to himself, I shouldn't have ever replaced
I wish I could retrace......

....Now....I have this random thought hit, just out of no place
They must sit around their fireplace
Seeing how much they can say to destroy my name's good grace
Hmmmm..I guess it's my face
he cannot seem to erase...

Let's get back to a happier state
where you can see why there wasn't a need for a debate &...

before I was in too deep & it was too late
this is what this idiot said
I swear he's mental in his head
who knew this is where our split would've led
& surprisingly don't you think, since I was dumped, it would be me in which the lies were spread
instead the table has turned
& it's me they want to make sure gets burned
but they're dumb & to ignore those who don't matter is what I've learned
So their little game will get nothing out of me
& I really have no reason to be concerned
& no need for comebacks or smart remarks to be returned
I'm over this ****
& I find it hilarious too, that he's saying I used to hit
Apparently I was abusive & violent
like I beat him??... is that what he meant
because anybody who hears this will surely know it's completely ridiculous, wonder how much time with that he spent
making me sound like such a bad ***, what a compliment
definitely he's lost his mind, it's a few screws in which he seems to miss
he's also quite confused, since it was me he called useless
& how I was always lazy
but now you can all see it wasn't me who was crazy
& for whatever reason it may be
That **** talking & lied about me
is what he decides to do is beyond anything I can see
I have moved on with my life
& at first the pain hurt like getting cut over & over with a dull knife
It was  just time to finally end the strife
I happily continue on & that is all just a story I tell starting with this.... It all began once upon...
... upon a time where I was "in love" but now it's long gone...
there was a new girl he had gotten
but strange it was me he still had not forgotten
To me he wasn't someone I thought about often
All these lies he's getting caught in
make him look even more & more rotten
& even his mother, the one he could trust in
she lost her faith in little boy because he continuously tells her to him she means nothin'
But we both know who, in the end really matters
& to ignore their endless chatters
when their world comes crashing down & all they have shatters
it's maybe then they'll finally get what it is they both are so desperately after
'cause from me & his mother, all they'll get is points & laughter
so go ahead & spread all your vicious lies
doesn't bother me at all, go ahead with all your tries
the more you hate on me, the more & more I become more wise
I guess I'm just always on your brain, well isn't that a surprise
I do have one thing to say
as I go about my each & every day
I'm glad things happened this way
to show me, I'm way better off if I didn't stay
So listen carefully to my words that I speak
& they may come as a shock
the time has definitely passed on the clock
can't you hear it's tick, tick, tock?
So that means GET THE ******* MY ****!!
Before I ******* hit you with a ROCK!!
& then I'll leave your body outlined in chalk
So you better be careful with the **** you talk
& if you see me out, it's the other way you better walk
even though it's flattering that it's me you want to stalk
but it's getting ridiculous
& there is just one more thing I want to confess
I'm so much better now without so much stress
I'm just sorry you are now a complete mess
Now maybe you can see, it was always you who was worthless
& that I was actually quite priceless
BUT this is what you wanted, I guess
I'm much better I must say & my friends all are glad I'm not ending up hopeless
So when people ask me "are you moved on?" I can HAPPILY say "YES!!"
because I'm now filled with peace & happiness

Love letters are just pretty lies and wishful thinking.

2. There's a difference between loving a person and loving the attention they give you.

3. Hearts are resilient